...I noticed yesterday after I posted my "musings" was that nowhere in there did I mention a companion and how that fit into the picture. *sigh*. I guess I've gotten so used to not defining myself in relationship to a man, but I wonder... is this really a good thing?
I've already spent enough time bitching about the plight of my lovelife, and I'm bored with that subject so I ain't gonna right now, but it's still a bone of contention with me and my "wholeness" mission.
But I am thinking... cuz I'm poised between two decisions:
a.) keep those metal gates shut and just go for self -- find someone as Shoefly says "to itch the scratch". (Or my Homegirl called it-An STD. SomethinTaDo.) The problem with that scenario? Aside from the fact that it's not something I do easily and/or particularly enjoy, the people who usually give me this piece of advice are themselves enmeshed in long-term committed relationships, and have been for several years. So I suppose it's them wishing they had the choice to make. But as I keep saying, for me... to have anyone get that close to me *in the first place* I actually have to like them. A lot. Because otherwise... ew! Don't touch me!
b.) go on a mission to find someone I like and who is long-term material. But that requires mingling with the general population to weed through and find someone I like, but in the meantime you get to rub up on a lot of useless specimens. And ew! Don't touch me!
But regardless, I'm making a super effort to be more feminine and girly (which is easier for me to do in the summer, anyhow) and to practice my "helplessness"/"Damsel in distress". Which is SO NOT ME. Seriously... I have access to power tools and a decent amount of muscle and I prefer jeans and sneakers and messenger bags to girly stuff. And issues with being helpless. But I clean up pretty well so I'm trying. And I noticed I got more hits on my Myspace profile once I put a picture up of myself instead of my artwork.
Are people really that shallow?