Yesterday Was A Blur

...and I kept forgetting what day it was. I got back to work and it was dead quiet. They were still working on last week's newsletter (which meant they were going to pay "rush" charges for printing, thereby poking holes in the BigKahuna's claim that the "new" color newsletter was going to be cheaper to produce than the old one. See, the old one was ALWAYS incurring rush charges to get printed... and I think this is now the second week of late charges. So we'll see...) and were barely acknowledging my existence. So I squared away issues with my good friends over at Sallie Mae (boy, they are worse than the mob), and did whatever else. Not work, though.

So I'm getting back to life, as is the Sun. He's starting to let drop little tidbits of info about his stay with FBB. Today's little tidbit, dropped in oh-such-an-offhand-way, as we were getting ready to run out the door to catch the bus was "(He) said next he sees me we're going for a haircut". I almost didn't hear him and had to ask him to repeat it.

If you're new to my life (which honestly, I doubt most of you are, but my narcissistic tendencies allow me the fantasy that people I don't know "for real" are addicted to the drama that is my life), the Sun has long hair. It started out because when I was pregnant, his father gave me much drama. And about the time I was 7 months pregnant, my own father woke up one morning and discovered he couldn't pee. He had a tumor the size of a grapefruit in his bladder, and urine had backed up into his kidneys, which were now failing. It was a very scary time and I resolved that my first born, already named, would be dedicated to God if He would hold me together through everything. And He did.

Now granted, I'm not THE most diligent person when it comes to religious practices, but I do consider myself to be Old Testament Jewish (which is a WHOLE OTHER story). And there several stories in the old Testament about the "barren" woman to whom an Angel of God appears, and tells her she will give birth to a son, and what his name should be, or why he will be important. (I was hardly "barren", but The Sun was a one-in-a-million shot where I wasn't paying attention. At 33, this was my first ever pregnancy. And at this point, probably my only.) One of those stories is about Sampson, who's mother was instructed not to drink wine or strong drink while pregnant, and not to let a razor to his hair. With everything that was going on, I quietly decided that I would follow the Nazarite vow. One of the things about the vow is that while it is not life-long and is not a difficult vow to follow, it is very effective and very meaningful. I hadn't discussed the "vow" part with FBB, but I did tell him early how I didn't want to cut our son's hair right away (FBB was born Catholic, but doesn't have a great relationship with God. In fact, I think he's angry at Him 98% of the time, which is a major part of his problem so that *any* religious topic or request on my part was vehemently denied). FBB agreed initially, because his own hair hadn't been cut until he was three. I was told by his sister that he had a large ponytail on top of his head until he was three, but one day an uncle took him to the barber shop unbeknownst to his mother and shaved him bald. When his mother came home from work (I think she worked in the Stella D'Oro cookie factory) she didn't recognize him. And that was another component of the reason I didn't want to cut the Sun's hair; to right that injustice. However, when the Sun turned three, FBB was still OK with The Sun's long hair (which by now, was pretty long) and so it stayed.

But that year is when things started to get really nasty. The Sun started pre-K with long hair. I'm pretty sure he started Kindergarten with long hair, which by now was almost waist-length. We were now in court. FBB started making noise that he wanted to cut Sun's hair, because when he would take him places, people mistook him for a girl. But it didn't bother the Sun who adamantly didn't want his hair cut and had no problem piping up to say "I'm a boy!"; it only bothered his father. But the threats got stronger, and one day the Sun came home from a court-appointed visit with half the length chopped off. The Sun was very unhappy, and sat on my lap and asked me not to let his father cut the rest of his hair "up to here" (patting his head). And I tried to protect him, but I couldn't, and on the next visit he came home with a "fade" hair cut and braids in a plastic bag. I cried for hours. Not so much because of the hair, but because of how it was done, and because I couldn't stop it. Long story short (and we're still in court so I won't go into details) there is now a court order preventing any hair cuts by FBB until this thing is sorted out.

And this is how long we've been in court... The Sun's hair is again waist-length.

So this morning, I looked at my little boy's worried face and told him "Your father is not allowed to cut your hair, and he knows it, so I wouldn't worry about it". I told him there was a court order, and I told him if it came up he could say so.

It took him two days to digest that fear, my little Man.


I actually had some sleep last night, but I'm way tired at the moment and so wish I could take a snooze. I'm writing, trying to stay awake. It's not working. I'm trying not to sneak out because I got here late; I went to a Parents Association meeting this morning, and am trying to be fair. But I think I need air...


OH! I KNEW I was forgetting something.

So Littleman Sun can read now, and reads pretty easily. But he can also reason and think. This comes in handy... makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER about him as he moves around in the world.

Now you know that during this visit-brokering I asked for two things... one was to find out where he was staying with his father. Well, I was never told. Pissed me off for the simple fact that it was all *I* asked for... and he asked for several things and got all of them this go round (fucker!). But the other day, The Sun tells me they were staying in a hotel. "Oh, which one?" I asked. He said he didn't know. I was annoyed but whatever. But the Sun continues "But it was on West Farms Road, near the 2 and the 5 train". "Really?" I asked, surprised, because that was pretty specific information, and FBB has yet to be that specific in anything he divulges my way.
"How do you know?"
"I saw it on the map."
"What map?"
"The map he had printed out and put in the car."

Can I tell you how much that amused the shit out of me? Could I even explain why? I don't even think I could, but it makes me feel good. And actually, in general it makes me feel a hell of a lot better about The Sun as he grows up and moves through the world, because he knows how to figure out where he is. He also knows the that most subways stop on 'Two-Five, where Nana is. So wherever he is in the Big Apple, he can find a way to people who love him. As a mom, that is an extremely reassuring feeling.

I asked him, knowing a little bit about West Farms, "was the hotel clean?" "Yes," he said, "but there was no room service." "No?" "No... when we left the bed messy in the morning, when we came back, it was still messy."

BWA HA HA! This just amused me. Probably because it means these frequent trips back and forth from the Big Apple to LaLa land are starting to cost the FBB. OH YEAH!!! He just hired a new lawyer, that's what it is....


Jacqueline said…
oh my dog!!!! ;-P what a jerk! I can't believe the HAIR thing is happening again! and I told you - I'm a hair fanatic. I think my BP just rose 10 points. (((hugs))) to you and the Sun.
Nina said…
LOL, Jacqui cracks me up!

Um, yeah, the hair. Sheesh! A good thing to include in your journal of the situation--send it on to your avocado.

So, why is that, that he "gets" everything he wants, and you don't? Is there some reason why you are providing everything, all the information about the Sun's activities, etc, rather than making him reach out and find out for himself?

I really don't think that would come under the concern you have WRT the parental alien-nation threat. I would think that a parent has the responsibility to find out what they need to know from their kid's school on their own. I know my kid's DAD didn't give me *any* information when the child lived with him full-time.

I know you will feel better and better about your son, now that he's shown he's got his wits about him. The next step would be to take the piece of paper and give it to his mama. :)

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