Saturday, June 30, 2007

It's Alive!!!!!

The Sun's hair is. I think I'm going to start referring to it by it's proper name: Hair. It has a life and a court battle all it's own, and I swear, come July it's going to get up on the stand and speak in it's own defense!

Met with my current lawyer yesterday. She rocks. When I first started this journey, I was thrown into an association with The Strega. I loved her too. I met her over the phone first. Desperate and scared I was referred to her by Mima, afraid that FBB was about to pull a "stunt" (he did). She answered the phone and her deep alto voice was full of warmth and oceans of calm as she talked me down, laid out a path and told me she was just a phone call away if I needed her, but that I could handle things myself. Events rolled out pretty much the way she predicted, and I followed her path, filed for an Order of Protection and thus began my journey into Bronx Family Court. As time went on, I learned that Strega knew exactly how I felt and where I was in my head because she herself had been there. And she was in the process of defending herself for actions taken during her own escape. Towards the end of our association, I often wondered if my case was bad for her... if there were too many similarities. But at the same time, I think that watching me, she had a better understanding of her own self, and could forgive herself and stand up and fight for herself again. At least I hope so, because she deserved to forgive herself. I got the news that she was no longer allowed to be my lawyer at the same time I got the news that the Sun's lawyer (Guardian Ad Litem, they're called officially) could no longer be his. Talk about panic.

I did some crying and some freaking and some phone calling, getting leads from the Professor that led me to various DV orgs in NY that led me to my current lawyer. She had a Hispanic last name, but when I first spoke to her on the phone, her lack of an accent threw me at first. And her very polished lawyer-look threw me when I first met her face-to-face, until one day FBB kind of pissed her off and I caught a glimpse of her Brooklyn Puerto Rican childhood. She is tiny, shorter than I am; bright as a sparrow and full of fire but she has an extremely patient and quiet surface. She's certainly the right woman for the job, and she made me feel a whole lot better when she peeped FBB's whole card right away. Cuz a lot of people get fooled by him.

(Two judges, three law guardians and five lawyers later) We're getting ready to go to court in July. FBB has a new lawyer (this is his third one--4th if you count the fact that he was "Pro Se" for awhile), and my lawyer told me yesterday that in her initial conversation with FBB's to brief him on The Story So Far, FBB's lawyer brings up Hair. I guess he was shown a picture. "It's kind of long, isn't it?" he allegedly asked. "It is, and why is this a problem?" she allegedly answered. She also said she told him that when he had a son, if he didn't like his son's long hair he could cut it. I told you I liked her...

I told her that yes, the Hair started life as my small attempt at the Nazarite Vow, but once it was cut (spring of '04), really, I was prepared for bi-weekly visits to Tone or Meemo at R. A. W. Barbershop on 129th street, but the Sun refused. He liked Tone well enough, but he didn't like the sound of the clippers and dammit, he wanted Hair back. So by that August we started letting it grow, and during Kindergarten he had an afro, and during 1st grade he had a poofball on top of his head, and now in 2nd grade just passed he could wear his two braids again. The only thing I, as mom, require is that Hair is washed regularly and combed daily--unless it's braided. (I don't think his Hair will dread easily, but when he's a teen and can care for Hair on his own, he's welcome to try.)

In a society where we routinely try to prevent our children from mindlessly following their peers into trouble, why would I thwart his ability to stand alone as his own person? I don't understand why his father doesn't get that. Lawyer said "Maybe he just wants him to conform, to be like everyone else." I guess nobody ever asked him "What, if all your friends jumped off the George Washington Bridge, would you do that, too?"

1 comment:

professor said...

if thats the best he can obsess on then that shows you were his mindset is...what an idiot...and if he gets to cut hair again, sun will NEVER forgive him or speak to him again... Hair...dead keretin cells...it does take on a life, develop meaning, define someone...dread has hair to his butt...wonder what meaning is in that hair...it well taken care of so it must be symbolic.