Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Things They Never Tell You About Having Kids

...but I made a point of telling my DivaGirl when she announced the impending arrival of PerpEtualMotion; it's all fun and games till they start walking. Then shit hits the fan, and your relationship with the father/SignificantOther takes a major nosedive. And it's very unexpected... you feel like since you made it through all early nursing issues (or if you decide to do that bottle thing--those constant night time bottles), diapering, burping, no sleep, etc, that once baby starts walking you get to coast a little.

HA! I have seen more relationships fail during the 18mth-3 year time frame, than at later times. Toddlers are EXTREMELY demanding of your time and patience, and as a chick, you have less time and energy to deal with bullshit. Also, your body has finally recovered from the shock of pregnancy and childbirth, even though you may or may not have lost the "babyweight". If you have lost the babyweight, you feel good and sexy again (except you're fucking tired--and you STILL may feel your body isn't EXACTLY the way it was BC) and if you haven't, you're beating yourself up that you're still "chubby". And men seem to think during this time "the hard work is done, the novelty has worn off... I'm gonna go hang out w'ma boyz!" And mommies get really pissed off about that. And there are all sorts of other other issues that seem to come up during this time... it's like what's good about your relationship to begin with goes bad, and what wasn't so good gets horribly worse.

I was warned, and the warning came from an extremely unlikely source; a former flame... someone who had preyed on women who were at this point in their lives until he got burned a few times with the drama. I spoke to him early in my pregnancy, and he told me to be careful, especially when I told him that I wasn't nor was I planning on getting married, and that FBB and I fought all the time anyhow. He told me he wasn't going to be the one to cheat with, since he'd been down that road. I can't say I believed him, cuz he was notoriously full of shit, but I filed that little piece of info away in the back of my head.

'Sho nuff!... The Sun hit 18 mths and it was difficult before, but it was unbearable after that. And by the time the Sun was 2.5, yep... happened to me too.

So I made a point to tell my DivaGirl that day in the hospital room (she'd been admitted to the hospital with a severe asthma attack--a reaction to her exposure to some shrimp), and she looked at me the way we all look at our elder sisters/mothers/cousins/girlfriends when they try to warn us about becoming a mother, and she felt it would be OK.

But she's going through the Upheaval now, and the Professor, who's computer is ailing (YES, I'm going to fix it, I promise) informed me yesterday that hell had been breaking loose but it sort of escalated yesterday. And mind you, she's up close and personal in it, since they all live together.

But I have a lot of faith in DivaGirl. For a 20 year old she's a damn good mother... she's a damn good mother even by older women's standards. And I'm really extremely proud of her. And The Man, "PITA" has actually impressed me as a young AfricanAmerican man. He walks with much baggage, as most of our young brothers do... but he has really put out effort. And I'm one jaded and bitter beeatch about ALL MEN, but the "brothers" in particular, so I can assure you this his high praise coming from me. So, if you read this, send some "positive vibes" their way, that they work out something that benefits the three of them (cuz it's all about PerPetualMotion, really... he's all that matters).

1 comment:

Fat Lady said...

Yes, I have been neck deep in that shit. Sitting in my car, crying, with a baby in the back wondering what the hell I'm going to do cause I can't take one more minute of the bullshit.

But, ultimately, if both people are good, and both people care, and love that little one like nothing else, then there's nothing to do but hold on tight and ride it out. Because it does get better, then worse, then better, then worse, then much, much better, then worse, then better again. Life with kids is a roller coaster - and dealing with another person adds a challenge to it.

But the thing is, getting past those rough spots makes you appreciate the good parts so much. At least that's what I'm saying today...