Friday, September 21, 2007

'Scuse Me While I Imitate Pierre Bernard...



I love and frequently watch Conan O'Brien, and one of my favorite segments is "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage." It's amusing to watch this puny-looking little guy rant about things that don't often have anything to do with graphic design. I just like it that like me, he's furiously opinionated. And a graphic designer.

Here's my rant of the day:

EVERY MUFUCKA WITH A MAC thinks he's a freakin' graphic designer. Any asshole with Microsoft Publisher or Powerpoint swears they're a graphic designer.

Bitch, I went to school for this shit. I lost sleep over this shit. I stood up in front of 8-10 other students with varying abilities, all eagerly ripping my shit to shreds in anticipation of getting the professor's nod of approval. And before I went to school for it, I made it my business to learn from the old schoolers, the greats, the ones who KNOW HOW TO DO A FUCKING MOCK UP BY HAND, BITCH! Before there was Quark or Photoshop drop shadows.

And now cuz BK made you acting art director, you get to tell me to Center everything and underline it? Or cuz you have "MD" after your name that makes you a designer????

"I would like this to look like an ZZZZ "ad" that also recognizes key {XXXX} leadership. The emphasis in the revised layout is on {hospital} leadership, so I would prefer that the ZZZZ director and staff go upper left and {hospital} leadership lower right. I would also shrink the headshots slightly and expand the group shot. I dont like tiny faces in a group shot when there are great expanses of unused white space and a different layout would permit the group photo to be a bit larger. That said, the 'cleaned up' version with nicer fonts and logos is much improved, and if Marketing feels strongly that, on balance, this is the preferred layout,
I would not object strenuously. Indeed, I very much appreciate Marketing's help here at the 11th hour. "
---Dr. Bigshot

!@$%#%**&^%!!!!!!

Bitch Ass Punk mofuggas.

Yes, I do really talk like that....

Oh, and the Ad is due TODAY at 5PM. With shitty headshots.

Seriously, I need to get the fuck out of here....

5 comments:

Ros said...

Girl, you KNOW MD's are Supreme Beings. Personally, I'd call him a stupid mufuh asshole dickwad. But then, I'm cranky.

Nina said...

Please, Bear Maiden, now tell us how you really feel.

Seriously, an MD is the art director? Does that mean they were made redundent in the doctoring world? That just sounds odd.

Nina said...

PS, Pierre Bernard is hysterical, in an underwhelming kind of way. LOL

S.K. said...

*applause*

That the best rant I've heard in ages. And I was Expecting Dr. Bigshot to be Dr. Asshole. haha


....and Mr. Pierre is a funny ass geek. The best rant he was about a train set. I'm mad at myself for even remembering that.

The Bear Maiden said...

Ha ha SK. "Indeed," he was no ordinary asshole... Some major muckety-muck psychiatrist-type dude. Ros, a cut just below "deity", apparantly. And Nina... the email came from the Good Doctor, but the other "tip" about centering came from our latest AD, this month's whipping boy, the webleaderdude. Who I don't even remotely report to.