Monday, July 20, 2009

"Truth" Is a Relative Term

...I've decided.

So as I mentioned Cricket and I had a text conversation the other day and I felt better, but then you know there are those things that are said that kind of stick with you, and the more you think about it the more you go "heeeeyy.... waitaminute..."

Then I got pissed off all over again. And I ALMOST direct-quoted a text (see, that is the beauty of texted conversations... you get some kind of proof) and called him on it, then I decided "why bother?" A.) It just drags shit out b.) like I said to the Cuban one day "If I have to explain it to you, it's not worth discussing" and c.) I think I should just accept the fact that he's a man, afterall. They're all full of shit, and they all play shit to their advantage. Plus, it's not like we're in a relationship.

Except we are, but that's beside the point. I used to tell Nene when ever you have dealings with anybody for any length of time, it's a relationship. Whether you're sleeping with them or not, and doubly so if you are but the question then become the TYPE of relationship rather than IF it's a relationship.

But again... that's one of those "semantic" type things that bug the fuck out of chicks but guys like to play fast and loose with. And "truth" is relative to where you're standing...

So fuck it.

I've spent enough time around guys to know how they think and I'm just going to let this one go.

Today was a shitty day. But it wasn't a 'Black August' Day though it was pretty damn close. There was stuff I wanted to get done but my desk finally got the better of me and I spent most of the day cleaning it up. I still have a few piles here and there, but it's better. And there were some piles behind me I got through. And I vacuumed. And I moved the recycle bins out into the hall. There's shit on the kitchen table I need to go through. But there's stuff I needed to do, stuff I promised. But instead I tidied up our project's page and took back control of the Twitter account. And I even cooked dinner for the kid. We ate outside... But none of that was what I was supposed to do, but I just didn't have the mental capacity to do what I was supposed to.

As for the boy... He's a good kid, my boy. But I worry. He's a boy. He will lay around, unwashed, breath kicking, with the remote all damn day, or play video games. Eat snacks. About the only man-like thing he doesn't do is scratch his balls. But I think that's only cuz he lives with me and doesn't have occasion to see stuff like that. Yet. But his father comes back Wednesday... I worry he's spent practically all of July on the couch with his feet in the air and the remote in his hand, but he doesn't seem to care.

CNC got asked on another date. Two actually. I am extremely happy for her... I am. Just because it's nice for her to be courted. She really has very little self-esteem though she has a lot of inner strength. She spent so much of her childhood being an adult, that she never got to stretch herself out and figure out her strengths. So it's nice for her to have that and I'm happy for her. But it's killing me cuz it's Cricket's friend and it means that if things heat up for them but cool down for me, I'll see less of her cuz I won't be able to stand being in that crew. I don't think they like me, anyhow. Which is fine cuz I'm not all that crazy about most of them... except for the one CNC went on the date with. But it's my issue... and I tried to overcome it but it was hard.

Cuz I miss my friend and I don't like the silence, but I don't feel compelled to break it just yet cuz I'm still pissed off. But... it was nice to find he checked on me later, though I am reminding myself it's just friendly.

Whatever.

I need money.

I took some pictures the other day of the flowers on my deck and I like them so much I'll put a few up...

This was taken out LilacBlue's window Saturday Night...


My lens didn't do so well focusing on the spider...


And I have new burgundy Day Lillies on the deck...

...and it was nice to hear from the Cricket tonight. It helped me forget a year ago today I was in Los Vegas.

Fuckers.

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