men can be really draining. Especially the psychotic ones. Well, one in particular. That would be TF.
Last Wed: The Sun had like an hour-long webcam phone conference with him.
Last Thur (Thanksgiving): The Sun called him briefly to say hello. It turns out TF had also called him and left a message, but The Sun isn't big on checking voicemail so we didn't realize that till yesterday or so. And I can't remember if the Sun got to talk to him, or just left a message.
Last Fri: We were home all day doing nothing. The Sun went and spent the night at the Moon's.
Last Sat: The boys came and hung out over here. The Sun had his phone both days.
Last Sun: We stayed home and did nothing. I actually left the house for the first time since Thanksgiving, to walk to the store. The Sun laid on the couch all day (who needs a man? boys do all the same things.)
Mon: I get a text from TF asking where is the Sun--he hasn't called in 4 days. A.) Um. It's only been three days... and b.) Dialing goes both ways. Doesn't it? Huh. My bad. Apparently not. The Sun calls him back, TF gives him grief. The Sun, who is not me, hangs up on him "accidentally" several times. Sun comes to ask me what would happen if he told his father he was fed up and never to call him again? I said "that's a little extreme, don't you think?" He said no. I told him look... you have good times with him. He's great when he's having good days. It's just that when he's on the Dark Side it's kind of a pain. But at least you know it's not personal. He treats EVERYbody like that. The Sun says "but I'm his son, and he shouldn't treat me like that". Um, yeah. I'm the babymama, and he shouldn't treat me like that either, but he did, and that's why we're not together.
Tue: The Sun calls to say "goodnight" at bedtime. TF tells him he's still really angry with the Sun and hangs up on him.
Wed: Noon. I'm sitting in the Fat Lady's house, suffering from dog allergies (really cute dog, though) and recovering from an interesting morning at the school (which I'll have to post separately), listening to her tell me about a parent who's having issues with the Sun's teacher. I'm in the process of telling her that in my opinion, the ROOT CAUSE of the parent's issue with the teacher is that the teacher is well... Boobalicious. She's got beautiful, dark curly hair, big dark eyes, and wears cute lowcut tops or cute t-shirts. She's very curvy, and pretty tall. When ever I say to the Sun "Your teacher's cute and has big boobs" he turns bright red and hits me. The Sun's best friend in the class thinks the teacher is "hot." I told the Sun they even have a song about that, and played this video:
He turned red and hit me. Anyway. Not to discount that there may certainly be a communication breakdown, and some perception issues and maybe even a little racism, but in all honesty, I think it's just Teacher is Hot. Hell, I think she's hot, and despite my man issues I'm straight (least as far as I know). In the midst of this, at 11:45AM, I get a text message from TF:
"I am looking to fly in this Saturday morning till monday afternoon. Let me know if [The Sun] has plans".
Me: [The Sun] has a performance this saturday, & it should run all afternoon. We could meet you by 6 or 7p?
TF: What performance? And r you telling me i can't go.
*sigh*. I write back explaining what's going on (school book fair/kids are performing/big family turnout/tell him where the fair is), and that he should have received all this info in the principal's weekly emails. I say of course you can come, but your text said you were flying in Sat am. He texts back that he didn't get the email (liar, because I checked the principals "send" list, and he's on it). I send him more info, and the fact that the Sun was looking forward to hanging out with school friends for a little bit in the bookstore. TF says for me to call him later. ???? I NEVER initiate phone calls to him.
I turn to FatLady and tell her this is why I get annoyed with people who complain about perceptions and communication because until people have to deal with people like TF on a regular basis, they have no concept of what it's like to have "miscommunication".
I also speak to Lawyer, who nicely called after I forwarded a text to her. She makes me laugh. She reminds me that no, it really isn't me.
I pick the Sun up from school and take him to Violin. I fall asleep waiting for him; my head on my hand. Any contact with TF literally drains me. I realized that still, the PSTD runs deep, and I'm not equipped to deal with him. I can't. I tell the Sun his father's coming in this weekend to see him. He's happy, but insists he doesn't want to spend the night. Um, that could be a problem since TF is expecting us to give him his visit according to the agreement THAT HE STILL HASN'T SIGNED OFF ON. Which means he'll keep the Sun until Monday a.m. when he drops him off at school. I told the Sun you have to tell me what you want. You have to realize there are things you won't get. Not spending the night is one of them. We can negotiate the time of pick up, since TF didn't hold up his end of the deal by giving us a week's notice. And if you REALLY don't want to spend the night, you're going to have to fight for that. I can only back you up. I can no longer initiate the fight.
My little warrior boy calls his dad. His father excitedly tells him he's coming in. The Sun says he knows... there's just "one problem" and explains how he wants to hang out with Moon after the book fair. TF gets tight. He's flying in 5,000 miles to see him. I guess he thinks the Sun should be jumping for joy. "Right", I said, when they hung up... "but he's supposed to tell us in advance, and if he had, we wouldn't even be having this conversation since we would have rearranged everything." And never mind the fact that he went from AlecBaldwinRant to "Daddy's coming to see you!" in the space of what, 12(?) hours. I also talk to TF; I tell him look, you asked if we had plans... we did. These plans were already in the works when you texted. I'm not saying The Sun won't see you. I will pack him enough clothes for 3 days. When you get here, YOU can deal with it... I'm only telling you what he wants.
The Sun says his father will call him tomorrow (today, Thursday). I send TF an email with ALL the details, and make sure to throw in "I realize that you're flying here from a great distance, but please recognize that you did not tell us a week in advance as has been discussed in court. We all want these visits to work well for everyone, so in the future if you let us know at least a week in advance, [The Sun] has ample time to plan or re-arrange plans." I ask him (also as per what has been discussed in court) to tell me where he's staying.
TF writes back:
"I understand about the notice and that is why I text you this afternoon, explained that I was looking to fly in this Saturday morning and ASKED if [The Sun] had plans. I had to pull some strings to get 3 days off in a row with Saturdays as part of my work week and no vacation days left during a very busy time at my job. I finally saved up my flier miles for a trip to NY to see [The Sun] and spend time with him.
you told me he had percussion in the afternoon and that he wanted to hang out with his friends from school after the show, then you would meet up with me afterwards. then I speak with [The Sun] this evening, he and you say that you want to hang out with [The Moon] ( who's house he sleeps over EVERY weekend, not from his school ) his mother and your girlfriend and her daughter all the way from Con. after the show. One time you got angry at me because I said I didn't know you but I was wrong ,I do. It's about [The Sun]''s well-being and if I do go this weekend I will be tagging along. "
Notice: Not one mention of where they'll be staying. I write back that just for reference, The Sun and Moon now attend the same school. That I have no problem with him being there. I didn't bother explaining that the Sun DOES NOT spend every weekend over at the Moon's house. I didn't ask again about where they were staying. But I make sure to blind copy Lawyer and copy the LawGuardian, so that they both know, and can relay to TF's lawyer, that he'll be in town on MONDAY... and MAYBE he can sign that paper????? Yeah right.
Thur: No phone call from TF. The Sun calls him twice and leaves messages. He never calls back. So far, I haven't gotten any emails. So now we're not even sure he's actually coming.