Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Stressed

  • BigBear is safely in China with her swords. Her suitcase is not. MIA. Which stresses me because I know she's stressed about it. However, modern technology is something isn't it? I could call her on her cell and it sounded no different if she were on 'Two-Five. But she leaves Beijing for Taiyuan in a few hours and I wish she had her suitcase...
  • The Diva is giving the Professor a heart attack. The Diva and PITA are going through their new parent up/down/they're on/they're off/he's-flipping-out-and-stalking/she's- relenting thing*. The Professor has "suspended" him from the house because he was beyond reasoning with the other night, and while he wasn't physically abusive he was out of control. Knowing my drama, the Professor wasted no time and called the police. No arrests/no charges/no reports. But the Professor walked into Diva's room this morning and found them there. I told her it's seriously time for "tough love." Put them out, change the lock. Even as I said it, I know she won't do it. I worry, cuz for all her bluff and "man-arms", the Professor is a softie when it comes to her kids. And can I pass a judgment? Oh hells no. Cuz I know my time is comin'...
  • I was supposed to be off work today for a meeting with Lawyer, but something came up for her and she had to cancel... so I came to work. Except--bad planning on my part--we got the Sun to violin camp late, and I was late to work and then I realized I had no one to get Sun from camp at 4P in enough time for me to get him to Karate in Yonkers. So I'm leaving at 2, after all that. Not that there's anything to do here...
  • And I have to figure out the simplest, quickest route to Yonkers from 'Two-Five. And from Yonkers back to the Rock. Bottom line; we need a new dojo. I can't do this. I could learn to drive but I'm just not even going to think about that right now...
  • And then of course court. I guess I should not post everything cuz it's an active session. And it's no biggie, really, but there's a small, core issue that I'm feeling like I'm going to be pressured to concede and I don't want to concede it. Because it's something that I would expect of anyone who has my kid when I don't have my kid. And I just generally need this shit to be over. FBB's lawyer is pushing for a settlement--he's got a losing case and it's not worth his while. And I know Lawyer and GAL want to settle because it's summer and it's a stupid case. And FBB probably wants to settle cuz his new lawyer is costing him money. But I don't want to. I've come this far, been through this much shit and I don't want to come back here any more. I'm tired of "giving" and not getting shit back. "Custody" doesn't count, in my book, since the kid has lived with me all his life. So to be granted "Custody" is in my mind, merely a formality. I don't know. I can't handle this anymore. And I've spent so much time trying to block out everything and move past all the crap, and suddenly for the life of me I can't remember specific dates of disturbing incidents... and I have to. Research on my part. But I don't want to. I don't want to think about it...
But I always try to end on something positive... and on the positive, my "new" living room is looking pretty cool, if I do say so myself. I just need to force myself to organize my desk, and it'll look damn spiffy. Oh, and MoodMagicBarbie herself is on a plane/en route to Oregon with "DD". She had second and third thoughts last night and cried... but the Professor didn't go and retrieve her so off she went. I think eventually she'll have a great time. Oregon is beautiful... and MMB is too "big" for just the Big Apple. She, more than anyone, needs to see the world.

*Guys, listen. If the girl doesn't want you--if she tells you go, GO. Please go. Yes, she'll take you back momentarily if you stalk her/call her/cry and bitch/send flowers, but seriously, it's only a matter of time. It's done. You've scared her/humiliated her/pissed her off. You've lost her respect. We don't like whiny bitch-ass men. We may feel temporarily sorry because we *are* nurturing and don't like to be the one to hurt you/make you cry/make you homeless, and we will try not to do that to you. But we will grit our teeth in doing so, and eventually you trying to touch us will just be the last straw. And somebody could get hurt. Just go. Find someone else. Please! Cuz it's not like you're all that nice to us when we're the ones begging you to stay, either. You want us to just leave you alone, too, right? So Go. End the misery.

Thank you.

3 comments:

professor said...

DONT SETTLE!!!!!!! whatever you do, dont give in...they're only pushing cause they are losing...stand by your guns...be the stubborn one this time...protect your bearcub...ask for a perminant mediator, make him accountable to a third party...

Nina said...

Excuse me for a moment: They're talking about a settlement because it's summer and they're tired?!! OHHELLNO!!! Bwaahahahahaha! They're tired? Have they stopped to think why you have even hung in there this long?

I've had to think about this particular issue, in particular. Somewhere along the line, someone has mentioned "settlement" to me WRT the child support issue. Not the party involved, but I knew I had to think about it before it became an issue.

I decided it would be 1) disrespectful to my child to just let go of the financial support the father owed; 2) disrespectful to me, who had worked so hard and taken any and all steps necessary to make certain my child had what was needed; 3) not holding the father fully responsible for his child is enabling him once again to not follow through, this being the most important responsibility in his and his child's life. And what kind of example would that be to his child? I did not want to be a member of that circle in the father's life.

The court and all their actors are the ones who let this drag out for years. They can damn well see it through, just as you have had to.

Stick with it, don't let them bully you out of this. He doesn't even owe that much, does he?? And what's the settlement for, anyway? He doesn't have to pay, you get full custody, and he goes away forever? Doubt it.

Remember, if this is about $$, that is for your son's benefit. He deserves the full support of his father. Parenthood is, indeed, spending time with your child, but it also includes the physical, environmental needs of the child, including all that which is achieved through monetary means. How can he/they deny this child that kind of support?

Oh! Oh! I just thought of something--is the state willing to take less $$ from him? Doesn't he owe the state some bucks for the time his child was receiving public assistance? Really, if the state isn't going to take a reduced reimbursement, you shouldn't. If, on the other hand, the state is willing to do so, then keep quiet. ;)

Hang in there, sister, you are only doing what is right for your child!

::ahem:: ...stepping down from soapbox, smoothing hair, checking make-up... okay, checking to see where the kids are, but you get the idea. :)

The Bear Maiden said...

Well, this isn't the money. In NY state the money is a separate issue, and that's fine. This is about custody and visitation.