Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Little Boys Rock


I'm glad I have one. I get to do cool things like go see Transformers at 10 a.m on a Wednesday morning. (I thought I would be cool and beat the hordes... ha ha! The theater was full! Everybody had the same idea.) The Moon's mom wanted to reimburse me the cost of taking him, along with the Sun, to see the movie but I refused. It was my thanks, I told her, for letting me use her little boy as a 'beard'.

See, I think I understand a little more. Men suck, because they have discovered sex. It *is* all about the penis; will the sex on the other side of the fence be better than the sex on their side of the fence? When will they have their next sex? Should they stick with the (safe) sex they know cuz it's the right thing to do, or should they find other sex? Sex-cetera.

But little boys don't yet have all that going on; all that thinking. Either it makes them feel good, or it doesn't. They either play with it, or they're busy doing something cool that makes them forget about playing with it for a minute.

Transformers made them forget about touching their peepees for a whole two-and-a-half hours. The Sun was literally at the edge of his seat; the Moon sat with his knees to his chin. They swilled Coca Cola and ate buttered popcorn at 10 in the morning, 5 rows back from the front, center of the row and watched fast cars (a Camaro--every boy's dream) that turned into COOL robots (with all kinds of awesome, mechanical grunting noises) or robots that turned into jets or tanks or phones or radios. It was a blur of spinning, grinding metal, flame-throwers, huge explosions and fire, torpedoes launching and people being flung into the air. Who knew who was what? Which one was that one? Who got hurt? I dunno, who cares! It was loud! And there was a cool heavy metal soundtrack! And hot girls! (Brunettes are in--blondes are out. And brunettes who can hotwire cars!!! Oh wait. I'm a girl. I shouldn't have noticed that, should I have? Although there was a hot blonde--a computer geek. And she had a nose pin!) During one particularly long car-chase on a California highway (why do divorced men move to California???) the Sun leaned over my way, took a swill of Coke and said "This movie gets better n'better!"

I looked around me in the dark; the adults looked vaguely bored. I read a review in the paper yesterday that didn't give the movie too many stars. It said there was too much. Two-and-a-half hours! What kid can sit still that long? And what adult wants to sit in a kids movie that long? PSHAW! I say. Don't you remember being a kid? Better yet, you silly, over-thinking man, don't you remember life before sex, when you just went along for the ride, to see how far you would get??? It doesn't always have to make sense, you know... sometimes it just makes you feel good and that's all that matters when you're 8 or 9. And that's what the other little boys in the movie felt; they "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH'D" at all the big clashes, they cheered, they clapped, they laughed. (This was the first big-action movie I went to, that had some Spanish Language jokes that weren't translated into English... so periodically all the Puerto Ricans in Bay Plaza cinema got to laugh at something I had no clue about.) And I did, too, right along with them.

If I had a peepee and I was 8 or 9, I'd give this movie about 10 yanks.

P.S. speaking as a chick... ooooooooooh that Josh Duhamel is just too hot, and mmmm MMM! Tyrese is just chocolaty goodness... And OH YEAH! Happy Fourth of July!

3 comments:

Michelle said...

ROFL...10 yanks. You crack me up. So, for a girl, what would we do....hmmm....nothing to yank. Maybe a "flick the bean" hehe

I do agree on the Josh Duhamel and Tyrese though....Definitely yummy!

Fat Lady said...

LOL!! I have to laugh, because all I could do was read all this and thank my lucky stars that I have a girl!!!! Just looking at the trailers for that movie makes my head hurt.

Natalie said...

OMG! Now if we take *our* sun, I'll only be thinking about your post here. Thanks!

(LOL)