I Hate Mondays Now

...but for the last couple of years Monday was Monday, same as any other day, pretty much. I didn't have a regular job. The part time jobs that I had, if I needed to switch a day, I usually could so I wasn't stuck to a routine. But now I can't do that.

Today I had to get in to the city as early as I could, to help hand out the new Internal newsletter at the hospital. My assigned partner was willing to split the shift, so instead of getting there at 7:45A (which wasn't going to happen) to get a button and then getting to my "post" at 8:00A (which would have happened with major difficulty), she took the early a.m. part and got me a button, and I got there right at 8:30 and handed out newsletters till 9:15A.

At about 9A or so the Big Kahuna came in with the Big Bird, acting as her pilot fish. I flashed a big smile and a slight curtsy.

Kill me now.

At 9:15A my new boss (didn't I know?) the Vampire came and said I could probably leave, so I handed out a few more and then got on the hospital shuttle to come to "real" job.

I'm stressing about The Sun's Karate now. Sensei and his brother open the doors to the new Dojo tomorrow, which is great for them. But it's really going to suck for us, particularly The Sun. It's not at all conveniently located to either his school or home, and because I don't drive (don't even have a permit... trucks scare me, as do other drivers) he's pretty much reliant on a ride, since it'll take some time to get to Yonkers from the Rock.

And there's getting to be no real reason for me to make that extra effort, good communication notwithstanding.

So maybe I am bi-polar, since I'm not happy with my day so far... but that could change.
On another tack, there's a woman who keeps a blog, Frenchtoast Girl, who's challenging us creatives to make a painting, or an illustration or photo or collage, every day the month of May. She has kids, too, though I doubt she's a single parent. I'm considering taking the challenge. It might make me feel better. You wouldn't really know it--based on the look of this blog--that I actually *am* a graphic designer/illustrator, and a fairly decent one, too. I've spent more time writing/venting here than doing anything "beautiful", but I really needed to just start putting thoughts out there, because they really needed to fly free. And I knew that if I stopped to create a good template, or revamp the stylesheet for this blog, I'd spend more time doing that, than letting the voices in my head get out.

("Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?")

So on the way out this morning I got my sketchbook out from under the coats on the bench behind my front door, and put it on the kitchen table so that it will make it into my backpack tomorrow. I had a professor at Pratt (see, I even went to a good Art School) who taught us how to make sketchbook journals, so it's not like I can't do it. I just need to put the time aside, much like how I should put the time aside to get past my fear of driving (I had the thought though, that on Saturdays when The Sun is at Karate I should scout out driving lessons up there, and drive while he "Ki-yahs"), or de-clutter my house, or do some exercise. And we all see how well *that's* working for me (my apartment looks exactly the same as it did on Friday, sans some dust and cat hair... but I did manage to set up another external harddrive, and I recovered my digital photos off of the other corrupted harddrive. So actually, I did get some de-cluttering done).
It's sunny outside today. That's nice. And Poppy will be across the street so I can go visit him. He's very calming to me. And tonight HEROES! Thats always great. OH, but vent. On Saturday, our new neighbor across our tiny street subscribed to digital cable. When the tech came for the install, he apparently knocked out my upstairs neighbor's cable. So she called Support, and they sent a tech over on Sunday to fix hers. But he apparently knocked out my Satellite receiver in the kitchen, so now I have NO FREAKIN' TV in there. Which sucks. Because that's usually where *I* get to watch TV.

And since I work an hour away from home, the only "late slot" the Satellite people had was 5-8P. On Thursday. Except I realized I have a Parents Association meeting on Thursday evening. I have to ask Neighbor if she'll be willing to stick around downstairs for a bit.

Freakin' Pain In The Ass.
Final Bitch Of The Day (what was that I said about "venting vs. bitching??"). The Sun called his father last night, to say "goodnight". Earlier in the evening, he'd asked me "when is Dah coming to see me again?" I said that he should ask, and to tell his dah that he missed him. It would make him feel good. And he did, my good little man. He said, when asked why, "Because I miss you." IFKALP'S response? "Oh, is that why you haven't called me all week?"

The Sun said something quick, and got off the phone. He was crushed. FUCKER. So I explained to him about three people named Kim and Alec and Ireland, and how they made the news last week, and how his dah is probably feeling very badly right now, and it's probably why he called the Sun so much and why The Sun detected a "tone". I told him that his dah had a hard time with his feelings, and that some people do. And that unfortunately, there will always be "good days" and "bad days" with his dah. That some people actually take medicine to help them with their feelings on "bad days", because it can be a sickness. And that his dah *used* take some, but I wasn't sure if he was anymore. But that his dah honestly loved him to pieces, and always will, and that when he's like "that" try hard to let it roll off of you, and know that it's not you--it's him.

Yeah right. It took me seven years to figure that shit out, and I'm a grown woman.



Job said…
have you peeked at the moon lately?
Job said…
BTW, what happened to your old boss? The one you connected with, right? ugh. who's this new person?
The Bear Maiden said…
No, I hadn't really been paying attention to the moon; vaguely noticed it waxing out my window, but I guess that's it, isn't it? And old boss is still here, just being slowly frozen out and demoralized...
Nina said…
Ugh, ugh, ugh. Sorry for the negastuff.

BTW, I had been checking and checking your blog, wondering when oh when is she going to update? I had apparently marked one particular post. Ahem. :) Glad I'm here now!

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