Monday, July 28, 2008

Pause For a Reality Check

...cuz I'm reliving Vegas to keep from missing my Sun.

It's intolerable, really it is. I can't breathe. TheCat stayed with me until Saturday morning, and I'll continue the story to tell you how that went, but as of now, I'm alone.

I was reading about the Fat Lady worrying about sibling rivalry and stressing that her kids are being pains in the asses, and sis the Professor is trying to get rid of MMB with some success, but I miss my Peanutbutter like you wouldn't believe.

Unlike last year, I don't feel compelled to stalk him everywhere, though I still have the capability. I guess that speaks volumes. What also speaks volumes is that his hair is still braided. I can only trust that TF is being respectful of the food laws but I think he is. I send my regards his way every time I speak with the Sun, which has been fairly frequent. He even sent pictures of the Sun at the Toyota Speedway. Last year I didn't get pictures until after he came home.

We did a webcam chat today. TF even had the Sun call on time, 8P, and I was just about to jump in the shower. When I got out about 10 minutes later, we got the webcam going and I almost cried. I miss that little face so very very much it hurts. But he looks well and happy and I could tell he realized he missed me when he saw me, but not enough to cry. I know he's coming home Saturday; TF already emailed me the info.

I can't really say I have complaints. But I don't like being alone in the apartment. My kid is pretty quiet and sometimes I feel guilty that he spends so much time in his room by himself but at least he's here. When he's gone I feel like I'm holding my breath.

I know too, that TheCat misses his kid as well... his has been gone about two weeks before The Sun left, and will be gone about two weeks after the Sun comes back. And his is much much further away than mine--clear on the other side of the world, in fact.

Life is going to change when the kids come back... I wonder how much of our feelings has to do with distraction from the fact that we miss our children--he spends a lot of time with his...

Life will change when the kids go back to school, when things get back to normal, when the Vegas glow wears off and I'm scared about that. And it doesn't help that I'm here by myself...

On the other hand, I truly thank God that this year's trip was much easier on all of us; on TF, on the Sun, on me... I keep meaning to email Lawyer and thank her for all she did for me, and to tell her that I never ever would have believed that I would get through these two weeks without becoming a blathering idiot. Secretly I hope she remembers I have a blog...

One thing I gotta say though. I always knew that TF would be a lot more respectful once he knew there was a man in my life--other than Poppy, I mean. So, if nothing comes out of TheCat and me but that I had a peaceful time of this visit, I guess that's a good thing.

But my heart openly hopes TheCat will be around for next year, and the year after that...

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