to my life, to what's in my heart. Always has been. When I first started this blog I would embed little players into some of the posts (but somehow they all got lost and aren't there anymore) until I started setting up a playlist.
I know a lot of folks don't feel music like I do... but if you're ever around me and really want to know the status of my mind and heart, pay attention to the music I'm feeling... it'll tell you volumes. More than words.
Music will bring back memories to me; strong, vivid memories, complete with color and sometimes smell. For some people I know the reverse is true; a scent will do this, or a touch. But for me, it's music.
Like I'll never forget Poppy jumping around to Ray Charle's version of "Eleanor Rigby" in Paris, or "Papa's got a Brand New Bag" by James Brown. He would play 45s' on the record player and the apartment would fill with music and we would all be laughing... and I can't describe how deeply all those memories are embedded, and how those songs will always bring me back to those moments.
Or the moment Poppy was playing Archie Shepp on the record player. I was standing there, watching the record turn round and round (there was one label, I think Capitol, that had a strip of color around the outside of the black label. The strip went from red to orange to yellow, through the whole rainbow, so that if you stood staring at one spot it would appear that the colors changed). The album cover lay on my left; it was of a yellow or orangey painting, very fire-like, and between the sounds of the saxophone and the visual on the album cover I became filled with the fear of fire, and started to cry. I remember Poppy trying to figure out what was wrong, but I don't think I was able to tell him. I was barely three.
Sometimes, if I feel it deeply enough, the effect I feel is physical.
This morning, waking up on a few hours sleep, a song was on the radio. I already know that for as long as I can remember things, this song will always remind me of now. Waking up to it this morning, it almost made me physically ill, and I wanted to get up and not hear it anymore, but at the same time it engulfed me, paralyzed me so I couldn't move. I lay there with my eyes closed, feeling sick and overwhelmed and happy all at the same time.
Then it was over, and I got up.
Update- 1PM... I had to go see if I could find that Archie Shepp album cover, just out of curiosity. It was hard to find... I googled several different phrases, almost doubting myself. Was it really Archie Shepp? Or maybe I was mistaken and it was Coltrane, or Brown, or....
but this is what I found: