Sometimes It's Not

...easy. And sometimes it's easier.

The doldrums got me which is why I haven't been writing... but as bad as I feel I'm not the only one suffering.

There's much to say... spaghetti-like thoughts wrapping around each other but if I start I'll be writing for hours and for once I think I'm going to head off to bed.

I can tell you though that life is so weird for me because my heart is SO in one place and my head is SO in another... and I think... (hey, it just hit me... ) it is the major malfunction in my life. Trying to balance my heart and my head.

Because I still, still, as crazy as it sounds, still am ever hopeful. I asked for signs, and I got them... but then my head wonders "are you crazy? Look at the FACTS. How dumb can you be?" But my heart is screaming "believe! believe! you have to believe because if you don't everything else is wrong!"

It's paralyzing.

But it looks like I'll be working at a small privately owned factory that makes sails for boats. A whole new adventure.... nothing to do with anything I know anything about. Which might be exactly what I need right now.

But before I ramble some more, I'm going to bed. But I'm going to post this picture, for no other reason than it means something to me and my heart... shit like this is what makes me hold on...

And hey, by the way... y'all scared yet? The economy is in the shitter... I'd be scared but I'm already screwed so what difference does it make to me? Not a whole hell of a lot. Though if Sallie Mae goes under, I wonder... but that would be too much to hope for...


Natalie said…
I'm scared.

When we bought our house in FL - guess it was about 5.5 years ago - I kept telling our mtg broker that we didn't want the creative financing (she kept trying to push interest-free loans, and ARMs), and I said that those kind of loans were going to get us in trouble.

I imagine that there were plenty of people who knew that, but obviously, they weren't the ones approving the loans, or if they were, they had enough of a cushion that the risk wouldn't be bad for THEM.

I used to work for Freddie Mac, so it all feels sort of personal to me - like, this was my industry and, to get here, it is just really bad. I don't mean that in the obvious, but when I left Freddie, times were really good there. I can't help but imagine how gloomy and ominous it must be there now.

So, yeah, before that - Bear, and then the the GSEs, and then Lehman, and now AIG...

I'm not an economist (obviously), and I don't own even one sliver of stock right now (but my stock options from Freddie helped us buy our first house together; that was 10 years ago exactly), but my gut tells me we're not done going downhill. Not even close, and it's going to get even more painful before we begin our ascent.

TBM, I hope the rest helped you to feel better. Congrats on the new job (beautiful picture; was that taken at the job's location?), too.

Ah - Sallie Mae - unless she had major investments in the RE industry, she's likely to stay afloat. Well, unless too many of the lendees are being adversely affected, I guess.

We owe her A LOT of money. Not six figures, but damn close.

Feel better, my friend...
professor said…
wishful thinking but sallie mae will NEVER die...we surely die before her...
remain ever hopeful but don't let it depress you...
Regina said…
Sometime the totally unrelated job is what we need to survive.

Smooth sailmaking ahead! And wishing you find calmer water in all the other things going on.
spagitti like thoughts are good and make my stomach growl
RoadGrl said…
sail loft? cool, so apropos for the Rock.

Y'know, way back in 2nd or 3rd grade we went to the Ratsey sail loft (I think they closed up in the 80s) to see how sails were made. It was pretty neat, it definitely takes some doing to sew something that large.


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