Monday, December 24, 2007

It's On...

...I'm done.

I got an email sent to me this morning, and I sat down and wrote a response. I haven't been able to speak to Lawyer; I called her this past Wednesday or so, and when I tried to cc her on a response the other day, I got back one of those automatic "out of the office until...." messages. So I'm on my own. I called Nene... I asked him to only listen to what I wrote, and tell me, as a father, and knowing me the way he does, what he thought. I also told him about the Christmas package.

When I finished, he said "go ahead. Send it. I don't know what's going through his head, but I think you have a right to send it." So I did... but first, I had The Sun call his dad so they could have a nice chat before my email sends TF into a mood. Then, when they hung up 20 minutes later, I hit "send". Oh, and during that phone conversation it was learned that a.) TF was busy buying baseball stuff for his friend's kid out in CA. Cuz he knows the kid likes baseball. And b.) he was sending The Sun another present.

Afterwards, going through my junk mail folder I found another email. I don't know why it ended up in Junk, but it did, and it had been sent before the first one. And it made me sure that I was OK in writing what I wrote.

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I have never ever told The Sun he couldn't see you. I'm not sure what time period you are referring to, but even at the worst of it, when the Order of Protection wasn't in effect yet, but I knew it was coming, I only told him that he wouldn't see you as regularly as he had, and that it would only be for a little while. And when you canceled the court-supervised visits, or canceled the outside supervised visits, I told him that he wouldn't see you for a little while, but that it wasn't for ever. And when you moved to California initially, and he was devastated, and said "I'll never see my dah again" I told him that he would. That there was no way he would ever NOT see you. I felt awful for him that he missed you. I never want for The Sun to hurt.

When he argues with you over the phone, or gets mad at you, or you get mad at him for not calling and then he says he doesn't want to talk to you because you yelled at him, I always tell him that no matter what happens between you and I, that you will always love him. And I always tell him he needs to call you, that he needs to stop what he's doing and make the time.

It's no secret that you and I don't get along. It's no secret that we probably never will. I don't like you. I don't like what you did to me, I don't like how you treated me and there are times when I don't like the things you say to The Sun, either. And I've no problem telling you that. But one thing I am, is fair. I told you from the very beginning that if you wanted to be a part of The Sun's life you could be, but that it was your choice. And it has been your choice to be in his life, and I will always respect that. I will always honor that.

However, there need to be rules in place, a system for us to operate so that there are no misunderstandings.

We have been in court for five years, and we still don't have a visitation agreement, which is the only reason I went to court in the first place. How it played out once we got there is messed up, but it was beyond either of our control. This is why I didn't want to go in the first place. I knew that once other people were involved it wouldn't be up to us anymore. So we tried to work it out on our own, we tried through mediation. Family court was the last resort.

But as of this moment, 5 years later and a waste of everyone's time, money and emotions, we still don't have a visitation agreement, because you haven't signed it.

And I am not required to comply with you unless you sign it. As part of the agreement, I have specifically asked that January 14, 15, and 21, as well as July 1, 9-10, 15 and 22 be unavailable to you so that we can practice our Passover and Day of Atonement the way we always have, the way you have known me to practice since the day you met me. The day you are requesting falls on January 21. I am asking you one final time to specify a time on Sunday night, January 20th, to bring him to a neutral meeting place so that I can pick him up and not go outside on my Sabbath the following day. If you will not honor that, then I am not required to honor this visit.

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Now, I'm off to the Moon's Aunt's house for good Puerto Rican food, crazy people and lots of cheer. I made a buttered rum peach cobbler (on a whim--although a message was passed through Shoefly from Titi that if I came without the cobbler, I wasn't getting in).

Happy Holidays, all!

1 comment:

Ros said...

Rolling deep with you . . .