they're freaking me out.
Drama, drama, drama, and more drama. And I don't mind posting my own drama, but I won't really post other people's drama. This isn't "Page Six". But there's drama and it's stressing me the fuck out.
The biggest thing, I guess, that IS affecting me is my impending room mate. And I love that babygirl with all my heart, and the babywhirlwind too... but the thought of sharing my space with them is flipping me out. NOT that I won't get over it... NOT that I won't get into the "flow" once it's actually here... because I will. But I don't like sharing my space. I never have. When we were kids, and moved into the empty apartment next door from the parents, NOBODY ever crashed in my room. But there was always somebody sleeping on the Professor's floor. Or in her bed. Always. And the funny thing was... I even let her have the bigger room because of it. I only really need a little bit of space... but it's got to be all mine.
My Homegirl from way back in the day called me tonight--she was driving from Indiana to Kentucky. She finished telling me about how she's finally getting divorced... finally got fed up with her High School Sweetheart (they'd gone their separate ways for YEARS but on a leave from the Army hooked up with him and ended up married) and gone off on him.
She said she went off on him so bad, he HAD to beat the crap out of her... just to save face. So he did, and she filed for divorce two days later. And it'll be final next month. But anyway, I was telling her how even though I'll be OK, I'm having a hard time adjusting and I said "you KNOW I don't give up my personal space." And she said "No, no you don't." I guess I got a little defensive and she said "don't get me wrong... I'm not ragging on you. I KNOW how hard this is for you, and the mere fact that you're going through with this means you're really trying, and I'm really impressed". Which made me feel really good, because a.) it's awesome when someone knows you THAT well, and b.) it's nice to be acknowledged when you're fessing up to issues--nice to know that you can grow past them. Maybe. Sometimes...
So there's that. And speaking of people who "know" you and "get" you. I'm struggling again. It sucks when you find someone who does... and someone equally at home with their own little quirks, who's completely open and honest, and doesn't get on your nerves with the rah-rah and the bullshit (and I have to admit... I'd say a good 85% of people get on my nerves, 10% are people I love so dearly I can tolerate when they get on my nerves mostly because they tolerate me, and the other 5% I'm closely related to and so I make a POINT to forgive them when they get on my nerves). Somebody who genuinely makes you belly-laugh. Or when you express to them something that pisses you off or gets on your nerves, they actually try to take your feelings into account (HOLY FUCK!). In short, somebody almost perfect. But then there's that one little, tiny eeny beeny catch.
You're old enough to be their mother.
And the age thing doesn't bother me like "Oh my GOD I'm old" but more like... "shit... it can't possibly work. Not for long, anyway." ("For eva. For eva-eva??") That Ashton-and-Demi-thing is a freak of nature, a lightening-strike. A one-hit-wonder. But I am Aquarius. We NEED things clearly defined. There has to be a PLAN, dammit. Even if the plan changes. But here, there can't be a plan. Hell, a plan wouldn't work anyway. And so with no real plan (well, actually a plan to be done with the whole thing, and you can see how obviously well THAT worked) I went with the flow and well, ended back in a place I was tryin' really hard not to go.
I figured out today though, as I mulled over it, that I'm so unsettled because EVERYTHING is so unsettled; my finances are on shaky ground thanks to being unemployed, now my home is unsettled/about to be upheaved, and this other thing is unsettled. I probably wouldn't be quite as freaked out if at least one other thing were more stable. But at the moment, nothing is really clear-cut and that disorients me. But I'll be OK. I guess.
In the meantime, there is SO MUCH CRAP I'm behind on, it's not even funny. I really have to "grabahold"...
The Sun is doing well though...