Oh Yeah, The Conclusion

...of the previous sector/post was that neither one of us truly got what they wanted. Well, TF sort of did. We were going back and forth about how to split the recesses, and since I was asking for certain days, TF's lawyer then said TF should get every Christmas. And I couldn't really argue with that, nor did I want to.

So the judge said he could get every Christmas. But I didn't get my specific days. And I'd be more pissed off about it except that
  • The Sun is gonna be mighty annoyed he can't spend every Christmas Eve Puerto Rican style with Shoefly's family and all his adopted "Titis". See, the Sun and Moon are now the only smaller children in the family, with the exception of the Moon's cousin's stepson. So the three of them, all about the same age, rack up. And so I leave that fight for the Sun; because I'm certain he'll get what he wants.
  • "Language" is everything. When I got the final written order (and mind you, the judge wrote her own), the language of the final order is a little vague, considering what went on.
The section that deals with Christmas says:
The father may have parenting time every Christmas commencing from the weekend prior to the last day of school until December 30.
It doesn't specify dates, and it says "may". Not "shall" or "will".

The sections that apply to me, though not as specific as I would like, go like this:
- The father is to follow all the dietary restrictions on the list which will be provided by the mother.
-The father is to allow the child to follow all religious observances when the child is in his care.
And the way I see it, TF knows the days that are important to me. And if he wants to take me on about them, AGAIN, it'll be tiring and annoying and ridiculous, but let's go.

On another line the order states that
-The mother is is to keep the father informed with respect to the education, religious training, health, welfare, and other matters of similar importance affecting the child.
But it doesn't say I have to consult with him or negotiate or ask him for his fucking opinion.

Yesterday, the Sun came home for a little while. He'd wanted to come home Saturday night, but I was out in the City with the Professor and MoodmagicBarbie (we had a great time, by the way). At about noon, the Sun called to inform me that his father was dropping him in a little while and would pick him up later.

I was stammering. I don't even think I have to spell out all the various reasons I was pissed off, do I? And the only reason I took my time and didn't tell my kid "I'm out, I have plans" is because considering the previous night, I figured the Sun needed a break. But I told him "tell your father I have plans, and I need specific times, and that I will meet him at the end of the Rock".

I knew The Fucker was trying, once again, to do a drop off at my house (which by the way, the one specific thing in the whole agreement is that pick ups and drop offs are at a certain named location away from my home.) As it turned out, right when I hung up with the Sun I heard shouts of "fire!" and "aaaaah!" outside my window, and two very short dull-sounding explosions. There was a fire two buildings away from me. There were, no joke, at least 30 FDNY emergency trucks, of every ilk and hue lining the main drag out here, and traffic came to a dead stop. There's only one road on and off this Rock, and it was completely blocked. So TF couldn't have gotten close anyhow, and he was one of the last cars they actually let on the Island. Shoefly blogged about it and posted pictures, though I ran out (in my pj's) and took a few of my own.

As the Sun and I walked back to our block, I asked him what had happened, why he had wanted to come home. He said that the night prior, while taking a shower his father had wanted him to get his face wet. The Sun has a thing about water in his face, though it's gotten much better in the last year. But he said no. His father then took the shower head and repeatedly sprayed the Sun in the face with the water. The Sun said he was sitting in the back of the shower, crying. He said he was mad enough to hit his father but knew that would only make the situation worse.

I asked him "well, are you still mad about it?" He said "a little." I said did you make up? He said "a little." I said, well, do you want to go back? Are you OK continuing the visit? He said "I'll be OK. Why wouldn't I go back? He's taking me to Rye Playland tomorrow." But there was a tone... a coldness.

And he was very quiet most of the afternoon. Later on, when I asked, he said his feelings were a little hurt that his father wouldn't take him... he'd told the Sun he had "some business to take care of."

I told the Sun that knowing his dad, it involved his family, and that the part of TF that cares about his kid didn't want him to be subjected to whatever nastiness there is in that situation. But I told him that if he was up to it, he should tell his father his feelings were hurt, and why. I wonder if he will. I know one thing... TF doesn't realize that by fucking with his kid he's creating his own rift. And that one day the Sun will be just as big, if not bigger than he, his voice will be just as deep, and he will be able to make his voice heard. And I know that my Sun is waiting for that day... I can see it in the set of his jaw. And that's really too bad.

7:30P, the agreed upon drop off time, turned into 8, but I made sure that I took the Sun off the Rock. Shoefly had come with me and we'd gone to the shopping plaza in the area. We met TF where we are supposed to, TF not even wanting to wait long enough for the Sun to get his Pink Lemonade, but I made sure he got it.

He didn't call me last night, nor this morning, but my EyeInTheSky tells me where he is.

I wonder if he'll come home tonight...

(speaking of defragging, one of my external harddrives is crashing. Shit.)

Comments

Jacqueline said…
man, oh man. I can't WAIT for the Sun to deck TF.
Fat Lady said…
Having just spent the majority of the weekend with my crazy parent, I can tell you with absolute certainty that there will be a time when all of TF's behavior will come back to bite him on his ass.

During the best moments I feel little more for my mother than indulgent sympathy. During the bad moments I am hyper aware of how her craziness has shaped me. I hear her say things or watch her do things and think, "Oh, NOW I understand why I'm so screwed up about_____" And during the worst moments I am simply filled with resentment - and longing for a mother worth caring about. Of course there's love buried in there somewhere, but it's pretty deep down.

That's the legacy of my mother's special combination of craziness, selfishness and monumental ego. A combination that doesn't seem too different from TF's.

The Sun, though, has one wonderfully, huge advantage that I didn't have - his sane (OK, relatively sane) parent is the one with custody!!!! Thank goodness he has you! Because you are the one who will provide the balance and stability to counteract TF's lunacy.

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