Thursday, May 8, 2008

All I Have Time To Say Is...

I'm not happy.

  • funds are tight
  • it's raining
  • courtdate is looming
  • which means TF is gearing
  • The Sun got assigned his original Law Guardian (his current Law Guardian has been promoted to family court judge in the big apple. Run for your lives, people. This would make now 4 Law Guardians in the whole thing, except as I said, she was the original GAL. And she didn't feel me. And I don't feel her. I'm extremely stressed about it.
  • I'm doing lots of work and I'm not getting paid. Some of it, I volunteer for cuz it interests me, and to be fair I get to work out because of some of it. And some I'm waiting on invoices to be paid but shit. What makes people think I can wait 90 fucking days? It pisses me off.
  • and I'm still two months behind in the rent.
  • I did get Sallie Mae off my ass, though. At least until May 25. Where they can start harassing me again because I still won't have any money.
  • can you believe I still have That Toothache. It concerns even me, now.
  • human beings are incredibly narrow-minded, timid little sheep. Unless they are militant and crazy. What happened to just living life right? What happened to fairness and upstanding? Part of this little spaghetti strand is that I happened to be on 'Two-Five yesterday when supporters of Sean Bell's family staged a traffic disruption right on Lexington Avenue. It was very peaceful, and quick, and moved over to Third Avenue by the time I got down the block. I stood on the corner of Lex, watching people quietly hand out home made flyers, and wearing very simple shirts that said "I AM SEAN BELL". It made me want to cry all over again. Nothing in the real world has quite affected me like his death. It was just so over the top... and the fact that no one was held accountable astounds me. The police made a point of staying low... the cops directing folk and traffic wore "NYPD COMMUNITY AFFAIRS" shirts, which must have been made specifically for this event; the shirts were all brand spanking new. The bigwig sergeants and brass all stood along the sidelines and kept close watch. For the most part, the true demonstrators (and other small demonstrations in the city) made their point. However, there was a little gathering assembled on the corner ranting and raving the same old black nationalistic crap, which annoyed the shit out of me, so I left.
Well, I have deadlines to meet so off I go.

But the lambs are screaming... they haven't had anywhere to go, those voices and they're rattling around again. So much to say... not that anyone really cares.

*sigh*.

5 comments:

professor said...

we do care...it's just that folks are just as swamped and overwhelmed as you are...I think your frank expressions scare folks cause it reminds them of the shit they are trying to sweep under the carpet...
-DONT WORRY ABOUT COURT...you have custody...fuck them
-the toothache is just a symbol of the happiness you so crave...but as you once reminded me, just cause youre in a relationship doesnt mean that things will be happier or easier...you have a wonderful and happy life- they're folks out there way more fucked up and with less...
love ya sis...keep your head up and HUSTLE...we always make it through

Ros said...

HUSTLE, that's good advice! Life sucks, people suck, and yet we always manage to find beauty & happiness in there too.
Also remember that if you decide to have a really big go-out-in-style breakdown, I want in on it.
And I've got a few racism anecdotes to totally sidetrack you. Hey, how do i get a Sean Bell T? (cause you NYers know everything)

The Bear Maiden said...

Thanks, people. Yeah, I know the toothache is a symbol. Sucks though.

And about the Sean Bell shirt... the thought occurred to me to make my own, and donate all the proceeds to the family which I still might do. The problem is the overhead on CafePress is really high... and I wouldn't want to steal the thunder from whoever actually made the shirts yesterday. I'll see if I can find out who did...

Janet said...

We care, and I agree with the Professor, your shit reminds me of the shit I'm trying to hide from with my head in the sand.

Regina said...

We care - we just are not always good at expressing it - or knowing the best way to help... but we DO care!