Speaking Of "What Ifs"

I was just about to name this post "Part II" of my earlier post. When I wrote earlier I was on lunch from the factory and had to run back cuz I knew I'd overstayed the dratted bell...

And just as I was about to start writing, Roadgrl mentioned the "What If's".... and that I can't go back to being shiny.

OK, maybe not shiny. Maybe burnished. But certainly not covered over in mud and blood and gun powder residue.

And I wouldn't want to go all the way back, cuz the Sun is the best thing of all. And I've no regrets, really. But I do have to get used to not being at war.

The thing is, part of what happened to bring on the previous post was exploring that "What If" from the other day, the kid from the bus. For one brief second it seemed cute. But we started emailing each other and I realized he had a whooooooole other perception of me. That wasn't me at all. I had found myself interested initially... to see what was there. But, my Spideysense started tingling and I'm not ignoring it this time. This time I didn't even entertain the thought of "benefit of the doubt" and lets just say I'm glad I didn't, and it's an avenue I don't' think I'll be exploring. But it was interesting.


RoadGrl said…
The 'getting used to not being at war' is the hard part when you've been in the foxhole shooting for so long.
I know a lot of military folks and the transition to civilian life IRL is pretty tough, it requires a real paradigm shift mentally.
But you are mentally strong, you've had to be, and you are creative, waaay more than most, so you can look to your art to help you decompress.
Catharsis... back to the ancient Greeks, but they had it right a lot of the time.
Ahh...the what ifs. I hear you. I've been really struggling with that one myself....even with a great husband and fab. kids. It's still always that part of me that wonders what it would be like to still be that shiny crazy person of long ago. Funny cause while the show I saw on Sunday released me in so many ways, there was a lot of what if moments...

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