I Love My Mommy

because she makes me feel good.

Today I woke up feeling crazy. As in, I wrote the Raindrops On a Pond post yesterday, trying to put some shit in perspective and it made sense yesterday. Today I woke up late... hiding under the covers not wanting to face the day, not wanting to face the lack of funds, not wanting to answer the landlord's phone call (I didn't)... and thinking, "...either that, or I'm just nucking futs".

But then my mommy called and told me she read my post and thought it "profound".

But see, she may just be nucking futs, too. The thing is... when I was younger I thought she was. I thought my father was, too. Because they lived life like no one else I'd ever seen. And some 46 years later, they're still living life like no one I've ever seen... but
  1. they're still together
  2. they're still happy
  3. their kids never ever leave them
  4. their grandkids adore them
  5. their greatgrand kid adores them
  6. financially they are doing OK.... cleaning up debt/living well below their means/helping out the financially irresponsible children and grandchild
  7. they're still nucking futs.
So who's right?

Logically, it would seem they are... but I follow the example they have shown me--more and more as I get older--and I just feel crazy.

Except my mommy called me and told me she thought my post "profound".

Yesterday the women in the clan (and TinyOne) came up to have a family meeting, in which Bigbear basically told us all off in a very reasonable and productive way. We all sat there and accepted it, cuz we all knew she was right.

My portion of being told off included I have to find my faith again... I have to pass it on to my Sun. I believe in God but the Sun doesn't know much about Him, and that is NOT GOOD. He needs to at least learn the 10 Commandments, which he doesn't.

Afterwards, we ordered art supplies for our upcoming exhibit (to be posted later) and I made a huge pot of spaghetti and pretty much enjoyed each other's company.

The Sun and Moon went with the Moon's grown cousin to see "Walking with Dinosaurs" at the Izod Center, for which I had to shell out $60... but I figured he'd enjoy it. He did.

Other random things....
  • We went to the dojo Saturday. I had to go... I was so sore from Friday night that if I hadn't gone I'd never be able to walk again. Or lift my arms. While I was there, I was checking for a text from the FatLady, and BigSensei was chiding me to get into the room and stop playing with my phone. He said "Get in there. No one is texting you... all the men who love you are already here". Which kinda stopped me... cuz except for my Poppy he was essentially right. On the one hand I felt incredibly warm and fuzzy... on the other hand I felt well... sad. There are still people I miss and worry about but I guess they are on another plane right now. Maybe our circles will intersect at another time. Maybe not.

  • Nene asked me if I wanted to go to SuperGrands with him in December. My first thought was "no" cuz I'm kinda over him in one way... but as I said yesterday on another level I'm closer to him than ever before. And as it turns out, I'll be on the West Coast 3 days earlier, since I have to fly with the Sun to Cali. Which I am decidedly unhappy about for a bunch of reasons. I haven't booked my ticket back (SD paid my way out already). I had half a mind to go reclaim Vegas for myself... but I'm not entirely sure I can face that just yet, even though my cool Aunt is out there. And I'd LOVE to see her cuz she rocks. But Vegas... I think it's one of those things I just want to forget, the way I've forgotten about driving up US1 from SanFran to Washington State with JerseyBoy. I'm just not sure...

    And of course there's money, of which I have less than ever before but when has that ever stopped me (or any other family member, for that matter) of doing or going where I want to go or do??? So I'm still thinking. Though I will tell Nene that for as long as he's living with Babymama I will consider him married and therefore untouchable. And the thing is... he'll accept that.

  • Over to the left on my bloglist, I've added "Margaret and Helen" who claim to be two old ladies, though one of them isn't posting. But the one who is, Helen, is funny as hell. There is some doubt as to whether or not they are "real", but I hope they are. And I think they could be... since Margaret has that "voice" of being a much older woman who doesn't care what you think about what she said, much like Bigbear who, when telling off the Diva yesterday said "... and this is from someone who is 67 [ed note... 67! sheesh!] years old!"

  • I am wasting time and need to get moving... so I will...


she agrees with me
yep, u have to find your faith
BigBear said…
separate clean from unclean, live the 10 commandments, nobody sane. Me and the Duke def nutz, but, we had logic and a plan and we would never hurt the innocent. Anyway you're a great woman, your sister too and quite the nicest most honest and best friends an old lady could have. and who says there's a time limit on finding yourself, your vocation? It's hard to feel out of step with world culture, but suppose they're wrong? I know $, success important, I struggle with that, I always wanted to "Be Popular" (but popularity is not power)and at least I know my art about something and that I have passed on color and beauty and high aspirations to you and hopefully to the next generation as well. We walk the "Beauty Way" as in the Dine` way.
Fat Lady said…
You know I can kind of see you and your planes the way you see others. Most of the time I leave you alone about it because I know you have to find your way to the next one. You're moving ahead though. I think you were stuck for a while - you're not stuck now, you're moving. And just like it hurts to get up and walk after you've been sitting still for a while - your being unstuck is coming with some aches and pains. They're not insurmountable - they just suck right now.

You know, generally, I'm not real big on parents imposing their faith on their children. I tend to believe that everyone should find their own god in their own way - and nothing gets in the way of that more than a parent instilling a belief in their god before the kid is old enough to really start exploring that stuff on their own.

But in your case, I think that sharing your god with your offspring is such an integral part of your family and thus such a vital part of who you are, that you can't be completely true to yourself if you're not sharing your beliefs with the Sun. So I'm with Big Bear - teach him about your god. Because you really have to start being yourself completely.

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