Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Speaking of Hell....

as in the hell that TF tries to create for me, he's still at it. He's trying to "catch me in a lie" to prove I don't do what I say I do--specifically, keep Passover--and now his lawyer is questioning my lawyer. Claiming I wasn't home. That I did such and such. Etcetera.

I swear... it takes everything I have not to wish him harm, mainly cuz I know there's this belief that if you wish harm on someone it comes back to you times three. I have stated that you should always take the high road. Always. And I've been saying that to myself all evening... but sometimes I really wonder why the fuck should I? I'm tired. I really am. I just want for him to disappear. And he never will. What did I say yesterday about choices and no regrets???

Why? What is the purpose of me enduring crap from him? It's hard to ignore. The Professor is always saying "ignore him" but I tell you it's hard. It's hard because precisely when I do ignore him and go on and live my life, it comes back to bite me in the ass. I'm so in the habit of knowing where I am on any given day, or what I was doing, so that I can always prove where I was or what I said at a moment's notice. I betcha I can even tell you what I was wearing. I used to make mental notes of everything, so that when he would "confront" me with a "lie" I could say "Oh no. I know because I was here at precisely such and such time, doing a, b, and c and I was wearing a pink bra and matching underwear, furry socks and red sneakers." I'm really fucking tired of remembering shit like that.

I can't wish him harm, but I swear by all that is holy that I pray that one day, he will endure the type of crap he's put on me. When will that day come?

2 comments:

Nina said...

That day will come when his child is grown up and is not under his control. Perhaps it will be his child who will give him the fever. I'm not saying your Sun will "do" anything the way TF does, just that TF will end up feeling tormented because, in the end, he will lose all sense of control over "this" situation and will create his own special hell, all by himself.

I'm really sorry you have this, "this" in your life. I think it would probably be alright to let some of that vigilance go now. Just have your appontment book do the work for you. You'll be okay now.

Janet said...

Oh, believe me. His judgement day will come. Probably not on your time frame, and not soon enough for your friends and family who loathe seeing you in pain, but it *will* come.


I also agree that things will "evolve" a little once the Sun gets older. That's what's happened here. Opinions are formed by the kiddos. They finally get tires of the games and the way they feel when he's around. So now we are down to dinner, ice cream, or movie when dad's in town.

PVs for you and the SUn to have the strength to glide through without incident until that day comes and TF realizes he really has nothing. It doesn't matter how controlling you are once there's nothing left to control...