Dark Clouds Rollin In...
I could feel them coming in this morning, but I tried to dodge it. A talk with my therapist (The Professor) definitely helped. It pays to have a therapist in the family.
Trying to fight my obsessiveness, or at least re-direct it but I'm not sure how to do that, or what it takes. I take pride in the fact that I have learned to listen to my gut... those voices who aren't out to tear me down but warn me of inevitable, and they are warning me now. "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!". Or "Run Away, Run Away" but the OCD tendency is very strong. I guess that's why they make drugs for that. Tequila works a little. Nah, I take that back. It doesn't work at all.
There's always that tendency to make a big proclamation and flounce off into the sunset, but the problem with OCD is that you can't always do that without trying to crawl back.... and so flouncing off becomes a bit ridiculous. Disappearing works, but currently that's hard to do. But it's doable.
I wish I could afford my tatoo. It would be a good distraction. Other things I could do to distract myself:
=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
We (the Sun and I) hauled ass home to the Rock last night (as best we could... despite all kinds of transit problems) to see The Sun's Karate classmates in a 5th Grade production of "Oklahma!"
The Sun and I giggled over some major differences between his "homey" psuedo-earth-lovin'-tree-huggin'-hippie-type "crunchy granola" progressive school and the one out here on the rock:
The Professor talks more about The Divide than I do, but it's there, and the Sun and I straddle it as well. He in particular needs to, since he has that Albanian thing going for him. And since most people mistake Albanian people for "white", he needs to know how to be comfortable on both sides of the Divide. Yeah, you can argue with me if you want, especially if you don't travel the Divide often, that the differences aren't as pronounced anymore. But I assure you it's there.
There are differences in how you talk, how you walk, what you wear. What is the "it" toy of the moment (on the Rock, it's Pogo Sticks!). Though, in the Big Apple, it's sort of an odd thing, since in some situations the line between the Divide can be very thin. *Everybody* calls each other "Nigga" (which is a whole rant/topic of mine but I won't do that now), and just about *everybody* who lives in any kid of a low-income neighborhood regardless of culture wears pants below their ass (what IS that style, and when will it go away???) and sometimes even the higher-income kids do it. *Everybody* has a "MySpace" page and a fancy cell phone and even an iPod.
But there are still differences and sometimes the line between the Divide is HUGE. Somehow, I felt it last night, and I think the Sun felt it too, because the atmosphere is just different.
Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves very much, and enjoyed watching our Karate classmates perform. One in particular--I think he's destined for a life in acting... he just has that vibe. Which is one reason I wanted to see him; I wanted to be able to say "I went to his 5th grade play!"
Trying to fight my obsessiveness, or at least re-direct it but I'm not sure how to do that, or what it takes. I take pride in the fact that I have learned to listen to my gut... those voices who aren't out to tear me down but warn me of inevitable, and they are warning me now. "Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!". Or "Run Away, Run Away" but the OCD tendency is very strong. I guess that's why they make drugs for that. Tequila works a little. Nah, I take that back. It doesn't work at all.
There's always that tendency to make a big proclamation and flounce off into the sunset, but the problem with OCD is that you can't always do that without trying to crawl back.... and so flouncing off becomes a bit ridiculous. Disappearing works, but currently that's hard to do. But it's doable.
I wish I could afford my tatoo. It would be a good distraction. Other things I could do to distract myself:
- Work: I have several projects I need to finish.
- Planning: I have two events I need to help plan for the Sun's school.
- Finances: I really need to get this under control. I'm working but I'm still broke (that no patience thing is a bitch) and I'm tired of that. I just paid a huge chunk of change on one of my student loans. And at this rate I will soon become trapped at this job, and that would be the equivalent of a slow death for me.
- Summer trips: - there are several in the works and so it would behoove me to get the ball rolling on the previous item.
- Draw/paint: it's almost a week, now. I failed that challenge. But I can still finish. Finishing counts for something, right?
=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-
We (the Sun and I) hauled ass home to the Rock last night (as best we could... despite all kinds of transit problems) to see The Sun's Karate classmates in a 5th Grade production of "Oklahma!"
The Sun and I giggled over some major differences between his "homey" psuedo-earth-lovin'-tree-huggin'-hippie-type "crunchy granola" progressive school and the one out here on the rock:
| PS Crunchy | PS Rock |
| School Security sits at front desk, and gets antsy when they can't leave when they are supposed to. | Friendly (Pinkish) male security guard actually collects tickets! |
| Principal constantly trying to calm kids, getting annoyed that kids are running around. Parents annoyed at constant interruption of by Principal. | Couldn't really tell who the principal was. Kids completely out of control. At least by "Crunchy" standards. Parents seem completely unconcerned that Joe Rockhead Junior is running through the crowd. |
| Principal would have had a cow if kids were rolling around on "Heelies". | Lots of kids rolling around on "Heelies", almost knocking a couple of folks down. |
| Usually, whole school performs, with parent participation actively encouraged. Some parents grumble, but others participate. Few kids, if any "singled out" for stardom. | Only the 5th Grade was performing. No parent participation. Two or three obvious "Stars" and lots of "chorus" kids. |
| "Healthy Snack Policy" means that any donated food and beverages should not contain high-fructose corn syrup, items other than baked goods/cookies encouraged. Event might be catered by staff member who cooks or "Pot-Luck" type deal. Food usually sold. | Unhealthy snacks everywhere... and for free!!! Consequently the Sun was double-fisted with chocolate kiss cookies, a donut and whatever else. Actually, there was *nothing* but baked goods and the Hawaiian Punch was free-flowin! |
| Thanks to parents and the Principal who tries to keep a lid on things, and no high-fructose corn-syrup, kids are generally OK by 9PM, just tired. Parents grumbling show was too long. | Thanks to the Hawaiian Punch and donuts, kids were *literally* climbing the walls--scaling the gym wall with a pull-up bar, and screaming at the tops of their lungs. Entire show was two hours, with a 20 minute intermission. No parent grumbles that I heard, but then again, most parents can walk home. |
| Kids of European descent are countable. | Kids of African descent are countable. |
The Professor talks more about The Divide than I do, but it's there, and the Sun and I straddle it as well. He in particular needs to, since he has that Albanian thing going for him. And since most people mistake Albanian people for "white", he needs to know how to be comfortable on both sides of the Divide. Yeah, you can argue with me if you want, especially if you don't travel the Divide often, that the differences aren't as pronounced anymore. But I assure you it's there.
There are differences in how you talk, how you walk, what you wear. What is the "it" toy of the moment (on the Rock, it's Pogo Sticks!). Though, in the Big Apple, it's sort of an odd thing, since in some situations the line between the Divide can be very thin. *Everybody* calls each other "Nigga" (which is a whole rant/topic of mine but I won't do that now), and just about *everybody* who lives in any kid of a low-income neighborhood regardless of culture wears pants below their ass (what IS that style, and when will it go away???) and sometimes even the higher-income kids do it. *Everybody* has a "MySpace" page and a fancy cell phone and even an iPod.
But there are still differences and sometimes the line between the Divide is HUGE. Somehow, I felt it last night, and I think the Sun felt it too, because the atmosphere is just different.
Nevertheless, we enjoyed ourselves very much, and enjoyed watching our Karate classmates perform. One in particular--I think he's destined for a life in acting... he just has that vibe. Which is one reason I wanted to see him; I wanted to be able to say "I went to his 5th grade play!"
Comments