Tuesday, May 1, 2007

...But Tuesday's Just As Bad...

" They call it stormy Monday, but Tuesday's just as bad..."
-TBone Walker

StaffBash Today. We got lots of praise heaped on us for the new Newsletter. So no one really got "Tanked" today. Pun intended, since all new graphic projects coming down the pike are being outsourced to an agency by that name. Which was an indirect slap at the three staff designers (myself included).

I still don't like the bitch, but the Big Kahuna was at least fairly pleasant today. The (big, yellow) fangs weren't bared. Boss was feeling sort of mellow till I told him that in my experience dealing with abusive people, the nicer they are means that you're about to get slapped upside the head with a 2x4. So be prepared. I could be wrong, and it would be nice to be but I don't think so. Particularly since someone is flying in to interview for the new Dictatorship--I mean Director's--spot (boss and Big Bird are "acting Directors" of the department) on Friday. And she's already had several hour-long phone interviews with him.

Change is imminent.

But change is good, and until then I'm being paid some pretty cool cash to sit here and update my blog, and do some babywork. I never heard from the other hospital (I even sent them a "thank you" card!), which is kinda OK since the commute was going to suck the big hairy one. I'm back to wanting to just catch up on stuff, buy some shoes, buy some underwear (hey, "right" underwear today, wrong suit, ugh.... ), get the kid some sneakers and guitar lessons, save some money, etc. I hope I can milk this for a little bit. But eventually, the bottom line is I just operate better as a free agent. I'm not a good self-marketer, though, and so I hope that my friend--who I've tapped into before--can get her shit together along a similar timeline so we can do our own thing together. We see eye to eye on most things, complement each other on most things, but she's a much more patient people person than I could ever be.

It's weird how experiences totally different from each other teach you things so that you can survive other experiences. If I had never met IFKALP, gone through all that crap and dug through layers of my own crap in order to survive, I probably would be a lot more depressed about my current job situation than I am. And the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my self-exploration was sis going to grad school. It was she who showed me the Power and Control Wheel. I often refer people to it because it's a visual of the cycle of abuse. I also found recently the Equality Wheel (which of course sis already knew about) because that's a visual of how a good relationship works. And "relationship", I've come to see, is any relationship where two or more people have to have up-close-and-personal-contact on a fairly regular basis. (Another great tool I refer people to often is "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans. Sis lent me this book, and I hid it in my underwear drawer because I didn't have the guts to read it. But when I did, I found it incredibly empowering and helpful.) People have remarked that the cons of the book are that Ms. Evans assumes that mainly men are the abusers and not the abused, but I believe that Ms. Evans has addressed this in subsequent writing. (And from experience, I think women excel at Verbal Abuse. Particularly since men don't like to admit to being abused.)

Anyway. Back to the topic at hand... as awful as this place can be, I'm not emotionally invested in it so for now I'm doing OK. For now :) I just hope I don't lose my temper :).

Oh, and my Pelican paint set, brushes and sketch book made it into my backpack today, but so far... nothing. But I've a few hours left...

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