... I don't have it all figured out or clear but I know one thing for sure:
dating sucks and I hate it.
I realized the other day that I don't think I've ever gone out with or developed a relationship with someone I met out of the blue. I've always either met someone through a friend and hung out for a bit, or worked with them, or went to school with them. So this thing with NewDate is making me really jumpy. I also realized yesterday when he and his sidekick stopped by (nice chick... mostly gay but sometimes not and very fragile... but I like her) that he is about as intense as I am but undercover.
I'm not sure I like that.
It also makes me sorry for the guys I have dealt with... probrecito. I'm sorry.
What happened? I'm an idiot... and I need things clearly defined in my own head. I know the world is full of grey... but I need black and white lines so I can operate in the grey. So I wrote Cricket (cuz I write him) to tell him what was going on... and to remind him that we have this project that I want/need/have to keep working on. And that was our promise to each other--that no matter what we'd do this. And I realized, writing him, that I missed him. I miss the chatter, the buzz... but I haven't heard back from him and that in itself speaks volumes. Actions speak louder than words. How disappointing.
And today I don't care much about the Scrub I realized... something fairly awful happened to him the other day, and he's OK but knowing him he'll retreat someplace and not answer anyone but babymama and that gets annoying.
And NewDate... I like him and he's fun but for some reason I feel a little boxed in today. Don't know why.
And right this second I just feel like hanging out with my girlfriends but no one's around. Probably cuz I haven't been.