Random-Ish and spaghetti-like...
- I find it SO very amusing that while some folks find boobs or full nudie pix to be erotic, a picture of a bellybutton has caused quite a stir. Really, it makes me laugh. It's a belly-button. Not a nipple. Or a full nude. But a picture of a belly-button has gotten almost as many comments as my BlueNude did at Pratt... the one in which you can't see a thing. You only THINK you can. I somehow think this says something about life but I'm not feeling "deep" enough to figure out what it is.
- The other day I fought myself about going to Karate. Myself won, and I went... but I didn't take my normal route up there, and it threw me a little. Consequently I left my gi and my gloves on the goddamn bus. I went because I wanted to work out... but I also went cuz it was Nene's birthday and I wanted to say happy birthday. He was being flirtatious again, which made me laugh. I told him I'm not tangling with Babymama, and he'll never leave her. So we're left to suggestives but that's OK.
- My mother is now on Crackbook. I have no shelter from the family in which to air my crazies. So blogging it is.
- I got to see LilacBlue and Fatlady today, Fatlady very briefly but it's amazing how attached I can be to some people... and how much I miss them when I don't see them. Both of those ladies fall into that category.
- On Christmas when I went with Shoefly to BigSister's house, I had given each family member a picture from my show with BigBear. I had nothing else to give, literally. And I wanted to give them each something because they've been so good to me through the years... and they always give me presents. I had one for BigBrother, too, who in temperament is an awful lot like ShoeFly. And extraordinarily self-centered. He was wallowing and so didn't come to Christmas Eve this year (though in all honestly, I suspect a girlfriend he didn't want to share with the family since his ex-wife--who has become a sister in the family--was there. And will always be there. But I digress.), and I'd had a picture for him. But since he wasn't there I gave it to his son and DIL (she of coquito fame). I heard from Shoefly today that when he heard they all got pictures, he wanted to know where his was. I laughed. Luckily I have another I can give him...
- I had a meeting with a client upstate today. The client came recommended to me by The Cuban, a former boss of mine. Who I'd had an affair with. And when I had to go back to SD, he got mad and made my life hell and I quit. Walked out... and a month later 9/11 happened. And I realized there'd be no tech jobs for awhile so I should go ahead and fulfill my dream of artschool. I credit the Cuban with changing my life. I'd had genuine feelings for him so I can't really hate him though I probably should. But you know me... I shit where I eat and I make my own messes so I don't go around blaming other people for my fuck-ups. But he does owe me and it was nice for him to pay up. Although this morning when I'd texted him a preliminary quote (he says he's paying) he offered to pay me in sex.
Oh, yah. That's useful.
I told him no, sex wasn't going to pay the bills, but thanks for the offer. Fucker. And yes... I'll make sure somebody signs a contract. Although recently I did some work for his firm and he paid.
- I've made my New Year's resolution. It is to be a Better Bitch. I used to be an Amazing Bitch... self-contained, self-centered. Did my own thing and didn't really stop to weigh consequences or feelings before I did anything. Was willing to have several boyfriends at the same time... one paid my Amex Bill, one looked amazingly good on my arm and the other one was amazing in bed. Then I started falling in love with motherfuckers and my life went downhill. So this year I think I'm just going back to being a bitch. If I'm going to be single for the rest of my life I should get something out of it, I think. Cuz at the moment I'm not seeing that playing fair and being empathetic is getting me anywhere,
but y'all know that's me talking shit. Cuz it's just my nature anymore. But I'm gonna try...