Open Letter to a Jerk

I sent the Sun's father a few pictures last night via email, pretty much the same ones I posted here. I didn't write him ANYTHING other than "[The Sun] as Gaara"

This evening, while sitting in my mom's kitchen about 7P or so, I checked my email from my Treo, and found this email:

"Seriously, what are you doing, this is the second tIme (that I have seen) [The Sun] wearing all this crazy make up. He Is a boy !!!! I know you wanted a girl, with the hair and now with the make-up shows but he is a boy. You have [The Sun] around women all the time and you are treating him like one. this is the responsibility you wanted, since you kicked me out of [The Sun]'s life, so teach him or have him spend some time with the men in his life. [The Moon's Dad] does not count.

The other day I wrote an open letter to a friend, which, while it did absolutely nothing with regard to the physical/live situation to make it better or worse, it made me feel better and I've actually been pretty peaceful.

So I figure maybe I'll release some stress by writing here what I WISH I could write (but never would because what's the point???) or say or beat him over the head with:

Dear F***er,

Seriously. "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?" Are you jealous that you couldn't be here for Halloween, to watch him get dressed up and take joy in being a Sand Demon? I know you are you ass, but who's fucking fault is that??? Mine, you say? How the FUCK do you figure that? Did I tell you to move to the fucking West Coast? I did not. And he's eight now... EIGHT. What makes you think I told him what to wear? OK, when he threw out ideas for a costume, I DID nix some of them, but only the ones that were store-bought. We shouldn't really be celebrating Halloween ANYWAY, but at least when we make the freakin' costume, we're showing some thought and some creativity. And we had a blast doing it. I bet that's why you're pissed off--because you know we giggled our asses of, looking at pictures of Gaara, putting the costume together. Would it have jazzed your berries more if he walked around in a "Jason" mask like some other little boys I saw out there? Or maybe "Chuckie"?

Aside from the fact that HE wanted to be Gaara, because he loves Naruto, and aside from the fact that Gaara is GOTH, not gay, why would it have been a problem if he DID want to wear make up and a wig???? It's Halloween fer cryin' out loud. But that's not even the issue. When did you ever see him wear make up??? OK, some black lipstick last year because he was a Rocker Dude, and that also was mainly because his school friend was here trick or treating, and she looked like a Goth Rocker chick, and so they matched.

And the hair. T'a cheefsha nenen. Could you get over the freakin' hair already???? IT'S HIS HAIR. HE WANTS IT THAT WAY. Not me... it's a hard beast to tame. But HE wants it--he told you himself. I know you sabotaged The Hair in California, hoping it was so knotted up that we'd have to cut it. I know you did that shit on purpose you fuck. And I would have cut it, too, but your Sun cried, BEGGED me to work it out and so I did. Because I'm HIS mom... He's MY Sun and if it's important to him than so it shall be.

Which leads me to... I NEVER said I wanted a girl. I would have been happy with him no matter how he turned out, but I told you from very beginning he was a boy... and you wanted no parts of it, you ass. Wondered why I couldn't just terminate. Weren't there but so much during the pregnancy. Didn't want him till you saw him, and then you tried to take him over. But the whole time I was pregnant you never ONCE talked to him, never once touched my belly, let alone rubbed my feet or ran out to fulfill any cravings. I took care of me... along with my family and my girls, and you were the last asshole I called the morning my water broke.

And then you decided you wanted to be dad... and I was happy about that and I NEVER told you I didn't want you there. I DID tell you you didn't have to be there unless you wanted to since you didn't have a say in the decision. You wanted to be there... as long as I let you come and go as you pleased, or wreaked havoc in my life or threatened me or pushed me around. And when I stopped letting you do that, YOU decided to play hardball... and I begged you not to, because I told you I would fight you with every fibre of my being. And I did. But you brought the shit on yourself, and EVEN SO... throughout this long ordeal I never denied you a visit. Or a phone call. I cried when you announced to the judge you were going to CA, because in my minds eye I could see my little boy's face and I knew how sad he would be.

But... he survived it because I made it my business to fill in the gaps. With enough male role models. Why do you think I take him to Karate, you ass???? Can you get any more "manly" than kickboxing??? Does he act wimpy around you? Or whiny? NO, he does not. And he'd see your ass a lot more often if a.) your ass stayed in New York or b.) you came out here. YOU went and overspent... YOU stood him up in October. And YOU are the ASSHOLE that WON'T sign the visitation agreement. So how is all this my fault??????

You're a sad, pathetic excuse of a human being, far too willing to blame the misery you create for yourself on other people. You need to get over yourself and let this shit go.

I WON'T answer your email. And after I hit "Publish Post" on this blog, I'm going to bed. And I won't be thinking of you. And should you happen to stumble on this somehow, I know you'd only see what you want to see. But that's your problem. The kid is happy, and healthy and well-adjusted, and still loves you. Despite your asinine qualities.

sign the fucking agreement, and let this thing go.


Regina said…
I doubt he has the smarts enough to find your blog, let alone read and even if he does that, he will never ever ever comprehend...

but just in case he does find this, and gets to the comments...this is for him.

Julie said…
OK, I know I said this to you already, but I feel the need to put it in writing too.

Clearly this man does not know you or the Sun very well. I am always amazed at people who are so invested in their own psychosis that they can't manage to clearly see the people around them.

That he thinks that YOU wanted a girl is the funniest thing I've ever heard. You are SUCH a BOY MOM. No sane person who's spent 10 minutes with you could think that you'd have preferred a girl.

Next, there's no way that there was anything girly about the Sun's Halloween costume. Make-up and wig were SO theatrical, not feminine. It's an clear indication of his narrow, limited, small mind that he sees the Sun's costume as feminine, rather than creative, dramatic, theatrical. Or maybe he thinks those qualities are specifically female. Either way, he's an idiot.

And to say that you kicked him out of the Sun's life when he's the one who moved across the country is again, just a sheer stubborn refusal to deal with reality. The very fact that YOU SENT HIM HALLOWEEN PICTURES shows that you're not trying to cut him out of the Sun's life.

I am continually impressed with how generous you are in sharing the Sun's life with him. It would never occur to me to be that proactive in keeping him informed on the little events in the Sun's life. How many pictures has he sent you of the Sun's trip to California?

I'm so glad you posted this little bit of his insanity. So in the future, whenever you have moments of self-doubt, we can all remind you to look back here and remember that he is just not in touch with any kind of reality.
The Bear Maiden said…
Thank you freinds. :) To be fair, he sent a few CA photos via email... and later he sent a bunch of prints though he did send them to the Sun. Which is why I though we were turning a corner. But apparently not. But then again, it was always so... one small step forward, two huge steps back. I think I worry more that the Sun might cut him off, long before I do...
Nina said…
Love your open letter. It's so hard not to get upset when he's so obviously a jerk, and so frustrating to realise you're upset with someone who is such a jerk! The blaming, projecting his problems and attitudes onto you, it's allllll about him.

I know you don't think you owe him any explanations. But it is mind-boggling how stupid his behaviour is, and that he seems to think he is always in the right. (but that is his insecurity coming through, etc etc.)

Hang in there, and please vent early and often! :)

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