A Grievance is Bubbling...

with a former friend/flame... the Cricket to be exact. I'm a stickler for details. Even when I break promises--usually due to my just being unfocused and taking on too much... those broken promises haunt me. I try to make them right. Or at least I delude myself into thinking one day I'll make it right.

But they don't seem to haunt other people. And they don't seem to be bothering him.

Not sure what I'm going to do about it yet. But it's really starting to piss me off....

In other news...

The Diva is back to being dumb. I can't say I'm disappointed and I haven't given up hope that one day she'll live her life with some kind of sense, but right now the arrogance of youth and the lure of ghettofabulousless is really fucking with her intelligence, and today she pissed me off. Largely because her actions drew BigBear into a situation she shouldn't have been in. And then on top of it, BigBear is upset. And she shouldn't be.

Long story short, BigBear ended up punching the Diva's current BF in the eye.

Yeah you read that right. My 69-year old mother punched a 22 year old guy in the eye, and the funny thing is she's mad her TaiChi didn't work.

But she was also really upset by the events that led up the idiot fuck getting punched in the eye (and I told her, and the Diva, that had it been me, he STILL would have gotten punched in the eye--The ParentingPartner once threw something at me and I tried to scratch his eyes out), and the fact that afterwards the Idiotfuck decided to throw the Diva down on the ground and kicked her in the ribs.

And of course DivaBitch would rather sleep in her comfortable bed than leave. And then got mad at me cuz I told her (as she was rationalizing telling me what happened) that I didn't really give a shit what happened, but I needed to know what her plan was so I could know how I was going to help her.

She said she didn't have a plan, she didn't care. She may as well jump out the window. Woe is me.

I told her that wasn't a viable option since she had a son.

She still didn't care. What did I want from her, she screamed? I replied to start acting and thinking like a grown up. Then she started with the screaming and drama and woe-is-me shit and I hung up on her.

See, I went through it. I'd started to tell her she had my sympathy; I understand the shock, the horror, the embarrassment. I get it. It happens to a lot of folk; even folk who claim it will never happen to them. But I got over it. And yeah it took some time. And then I had another relationship AFTER that one that was also abusive. So I know it takes time. And I didn't grow up till I was 34. But no one that I knew had REALLY been through it or guided me through until I met my favorite lawyer.

But she's got folk. And a job. And really, a place to go. And while there was a lot of yelling and screaming before and supposedly no physical shit, the last time they had a tussle, the Diva and the IdiotFuck--he ripped her jacket and poured juice on her. It was raining and she was crying and he got nasty with me over the phone and if I'd known where he was I was going to get his ass thrown in jail. She said he hadn't hit her cuz I asked. But now he has. And it will happen again, cuz once that gate is opened and that monster let loose, that monster doesn't go back in. You let it out, you're stuck with it.

So I'm hoping she'll pull herself together pretty quickly and make a plan. But till that moment I got nothing to say, and HE can kiss my ass.

People are idiots.

My Sun went to Cali with his dad for a week. There was a time when that REALLY bothered me and I couldn't breathe till he came back... I miss him terribly and he only left yesterday, but my world is different and I trust his dad to care for him. I mean, SD has his idiotic moments but the spite is gone from our relationship, so I can breathe... but I miss him and he's eleven now, and I still go check him at night and cover him up and I forget I don't have to do that and its a little weird...

Safe travels, baby...

when he goes to college I'm really gonna miss him...


Fatlady said…
Give her time. She's still processing. I mean about this specific incident. Sadly, having people around who've been through it and know better NEVER helps because you still have to go through it yourself and find your own way through it. And it's very rare when people understand this - usually everyone is telling you that you have to do it their way because they've been there and they know - but you still have to do it on your own.

She's got a hard road ahead and she has to walk it her own way. Those who love her have to let her do walk it - the little one is the one to take care of. Having been that little one, I know that all the loved ones picking up and being there is what's going to make the difference for him.

P.S. GO NANA!!!!!
The Bear Maiden said…
Yeah I know... like I said it took me a loooooong time to figure my own stuff out. A whole lot of years of repeating myself. But good Lord I wasn't dramatic about, and that's what annoyed me more than anything. Cuz there's some folk who get off on the drama of DV, and what I fear most is that she's one of those folk. Cuz that makes it that much harder to let it go.

HaHa. My mother--I appreciate her more and more the older I get...
I freakin' love your mother Jesi.

I'll be thinking of the Diva. It is a hard hard place. I was one of those who got off from the drama, and it took me a while but it gets exhausting you know? And I pulled my shit together eventually.

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