Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lost In Crack

as in Book.

Laziness, I guess. Crackbook is easy. But part of the charm of Crackbook is finding old friends. I've found a bunch of High School friends.

Holy Fuck but the majority of the ones I found are three times the size they were in High School. And most of the ones who are three times the size are minorities. And I'm not trying to be catty. I realize many people struggle with their weight. But there are people who have struggled with their weight all their lives. Ironically enough, the ones who were heavy in High School are either in very good shape, or at least pretty much the same.

No, folks. I'm talking about the ones who were as skinny as me. And I was a skinny kid. Us brown folk need to work on our diets cuz what we eat is killing us.

The other thing, is the men who are married... a good portion of them are hitting on me. Like HARD. And for once in my life it pissed me off. Twice in just about as many days I had to say "Dude... I've a policy. No married men/no live-in BabyMamma's". "Oh" they said. I mean, seriously, WTF??? Do I have "Comfort Doll" tattooed on my head? What is it about me that attached men want to hit it (and that's all they want) but unattached men run for cover? Oh and my other non-favorite; those fuckers in a relationship that's "complicated". Seriously. How fucking complicated can a relationship be???? Either you're together, or you're not. I don't get it. Even when SD and I were at our WORST, well, worst before court, and I hated/loved/feared him and wasn't even sleeping with him, I still considered myself in a relationship. And there was nothing complicated about it. I didn't WANT to be in the relationship but he wasn't letting me out. And for the most part, until I fucked up and tried to make myself believe the Cuban would ride in and save me, I didn't mess around. And you know what? I don't think SD fucked around either. And if he did, it wasn't "complicated". He very simply kept his shit under wraps and away from me.

Fuckers. This new-fangled thing they got these days call "hook-ups" is just beyond me.

But speaking of... one claims he will (Fucker, no you're not, you ass) and the other claims he won't. It'll get messy, he said. No it won't fucker, cuz how old am I???? How old are you?? What makes you think I want messy drama in my life?

Whatever.

So that's why I haven't been writing. But I haven't been crying and I guess that's a good thing. Matter of fact, most of the time I don't feel like it. Crying, I mean. Every so often memories sneak up and wack me over the head out of nowhere, but whatever.

I decided I'm going to try to coordinate a poledancing birthday party for myself. Last year I wanted to learn bellydancing, then I forgot about it. But this year I might be able to pull it off. At least I hope so. It could do wonders for my self esteem. And hopefully other people's, too.

My new logo project is beginning to get underway. I'm looking forward to it. The problem is chasing the little money at the factory is eating up my time... but I need SOMETHING coming in. My credit is shot. I haven't paid this months rent. I don't answer the phone. Whenever I DO make money, they're gonna come take it all. And while I want to file my taxes, I'm quite sure someone's gonna take my return. Cuz that's the kind of luck I have. No breaks for me.

But I'm not crying!

And last but certainly not least, the excitement surrounding my Sun's trip to DC to play for Obama is mounting. It's kind of funny too, that for the most part, the kids and parents have now gotten used to the sight of video cameras and reporters asking questions.

Opus very kindly came into an extra ticket for the event, and offered it to me for SD. So he's flying in to DC for the day, just so he can attend. He's thrilled. And even better, the Sun is thrilled, too.

To think that last year this time I wouldn't even have considered the remote possibility. But last year this time I wouldn't have imagined a Brown President, either... so there you have it. There can be miracles, if you believe....

Maybe if I actually believe I'll find my Ride or Die, it'll happen.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very cool SD is goin' to DC. Very cool!! It'll be a good day for the little man!!