A Little Aggravated

... I am, with BigMan's BestGirl. I'm really not the paranoid type, but I can sense when folks aren't feeling me. And I don't think she's feeling me. Consequently, I'm not feeling her AT ALL. Little bullshit... but I'm starting to feel like I've been around a little longer than she's used to, and I feel a slight play for power and control.

On top of that, there are moments when I feel that BigMan has too many domineering women in his life, and until I came along there was a hierarchy. Mama is first, and this is as it should be. I haven't met Mama. And Mama hasn't attempted to "friend" me on FB, which I'm cool with... since I haven't met her. Plus, poking around a little bit, Mama is "freinds" with BabyMama, who doesn't get along with BigMan. At all. After Mama is GrandMa, and I've met GrandMa and I kind of like her. She's feisty. BigMan has wanted me to stay over there (before foot) but I wasn't all that comfortable because as I told him, there can only be on bitch in a house. So I mainly try to stay out of the way. But next on that list is BestGirl. Now I know there's no boyfriend/girlfriend type thing cuz BigMan has said there wasn't and so far I haven't caught him in any lies. (Not that I was really looking... but I notice every little thing so nothing has pricked me.)

But there's been a cooling off on her part, and definitely a cooling off on mine. And there's some powerplaying being played, mainly with regard to her vehicle. Before I came along, he seems to have had frequent use of the vehicle. In fact, the night I met him, he drove me home in her vehicle, and our first date was in her vehicle. Since I've been around, that's been less and less... and often there's just passive-aggressive push-me-pull-you "You can't have the car cuz I'm going someplace" and then she doesn't go anywhere. Or "come get me at such and such a time, drive me and then you can have the car" and he goes to get her, gets there late, and then she decides she's not going anywhere.

And about the late thing... it's a known fact I'm always late. But I'm never RIDICULOUSLY late, and when I AM late (which, OK, is frequently) I call or text. But sometimes, I 'm not late, and when it comes to her, because I've noticed she likes to get pissy with him when I am... I make it a point not to be late.

But whenever he's late, it becomes MY fault, even when I've nothing to do with it. And that's beginning to piss me the fuck off.

Thursday night, BigMan borrowed Professor's car so he could drive us home. Thursday was our version of Passover. The story of why it's in January is elsewhere on this blog and I'm not going over it right now. But because we were celebrating Passover we were all at BigBear's house (what a great time we had... MMB and the Sun played Bach's Minuet II together-she on guitar and he on violin. PerpetualMotion-aka TinyOne, sat rapt. And that kid sits rapt for no one.) and because parking sucks in the City, Professor didn't want to drive us home. So she lent BigMan the car so he could.

The Sun decided he was spending the night over at Auntie's and MMB's on Friday, and so BigMan knew he'd have to drive the Sun in, and return the car to the Professor. BestGirl had an appointment and traditionally BigMan drove her so he could sit in the car since parking is so hard in the city... but the appointment is now a half hour earlier than it used to be.

The Professor let me know she wanted the car for awhile so she could run to the supermarket, so I told BigMan this so he could come up and get us. Now to backtrack... he had left the Rock early in the morning to meet BestGirl so she could do her laundry in his building. It's cheaper. But of course he rushes down there and she decided she wasn't doing it right then.

So BigMan was down at GrandMa's, which is good cuz GrandMa was throwing him shade cuz he's been with me for 3 weeks while I recovered with TheFoot. We realize that he had to leave his house now to come up to the Rock to get us and then drive back to the City and return the car. Now I've been sitting in the house for almost a month pretty much, and I'm about sick of my red couch and really wanted to go out. Neither of us has money, but I'm easy; a ride in a vehicle on a Friday evening was sufficient to make me feel like I was going somewhere.

As I said... I'm slow as it is... and one very inconvenient thing about TheFoot is it can't get wet, so taking a shower requires me to wrap it plastic bags. It's a pain... and it takes a minute, but despite all that I managed to get showered and dressed, get my kid dressed and be ready long before BigMan got to my door. And I realized he was late... we were cutting it close but we could still make BestGirl's appointment on time.

When BigMan rolled up, we were ready to go and went downstairs immediately.

He jumps on me: "I'm late. And YOU have to call her and apologize for being late, and tell her we're on the way".

And of course my hackles went up. Strike one.

"For WHAT? I'M not late, YOU are. Why should I apologize???"

And I said nothing else the whole way down... reason being I was steaming. And the Sun was in the car. But I texted BestGirl to let her know we were on the road and got back a terse "ETA please?" and I told her 20 minutes.

We got down there in about 20 minutes, and the closer we got, the less I wanted to be in the car with that bitch, cuz today was the day I'd lose my temper. And BigMan has gotten a small taste but she's never seen it. And I know she's a little fragile. See... I'm nice even when I'm nasty. People don't realize how much I truly hold back.

But anyway. We get to my mom's block which BigMan has to go down to come up the Professor's block (one way streets and what not) and we roll up to BestGirl's truck. One look at her face and I knew I wasn't going anywhere with them, so as soon as BigMan parked I told him I wasn't coming. He said OK.

Strike two.

I kissed him goodbye and waved to them as the left, and the Professor and MMB and BigBear got in the car and we went to Fairway. Couldn't afford much but I got some arugula. I love arugula.

But I was still annoyed and didn't want to inflict my mood on anyone so after the supermarket I had Professor drop me off at the bus stop, and I started home. BigMan called right as I got on and I told him I was headed home. He had wanted to borrow the Professor's car the next day for a networking event on Saturday, and asked about that, but I blew him off. Cuz the original plan was for me to ride down with him and BestGirl to her appointment, and then we could have come back to Professor's and re-borrowed the car. But fuck you, you're on your own. He was a little annoyed but asked me to call when I got back to the Rock.

I took my time... stopping by my mentor's gallery to view his latest exhibition, but when I got home, I called BigMan. It was 8:something. He and BestGirl were supposed to have gone back to his building so she could do her laundry. But they were still downtown. At Starbucks.

Strike three.

I told him enjoy his date, call me when he got home and hung up.

When he did get home, about 11:30, he IM'd me on FB. He didn't call.

I might not have been quite so annoyed if this had been the first time something like this happened. I might not be annoyed if last week when the Sun stayed with his dad and I was feeling a little more mobile, he decided at the last minute to go hang out with BestGirl. And I was already home, thinking he was coming straight to my house, cuz otherwise I would have said "cool!" and gone to karaoke with CNC. And that happened last Friday.

I might not be so annoyed if there was money floating around, and he and I could hang out once in a while. But funds are tight, I've been sitting home watching movies for three weeks and I really wanted to be out. Especially with him.

It took all I had not to fly off the deep end and either write him a nasty email, leave him a nasty message or unfriend him on FB. I might be close to PMSing (which I rarely do but when I do it's not cute), but I think I'm pissed off, and I also think I have a right to be pissed off.

I don't think I'm all that unreasonable. Particularly if he'd said outright he needed to get away from me, I would have understood. We've been up each other's ass for three weeks and I know I'm a little intense. But I also sense that BestGirl is having some power issues and he doesn't seem to see it. But anytime a man is freaked out cuz a chick is mad at him cuz he's late... um... especially if the chick isn't me... .that's a problem.

Cuz there can only be one bitch in a relationship, and that bitch is me.

Or not.


professor said…
stand your ground...and NO, if he's not cool with you he's not cool with me and NO he can't use my car...
Who exactly is Best Girl to BM? A platonic friend, girl friend, relative, what? And why does she lend her car to him in the first place?
BigBear said…
He has got to deal with her and put her in her place, as a friend..definitely a way lower #2 in his life. I think it's time for him to step up his game, show me the $ and make sure to get his own vehicle. I think he's been floating, getting by and having a nice life, but now there has to be more going on, more ambition, more making $ projects
The Bear Maiden said…
@Kit, a chick he used to chase chicks with. And his work partner-she does his scheduling and communicating and it worked well till I got in the mix. And I don't have a problem with the partnership. Or with the "chase chicks" part. It's the other vague fuzzy things I take issue with. I don't do "grey areas" anymore. Way too easy for folk to slip and slide.
Anonymous said…
Everyone fastens where there is gain.........................................

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