Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I Totally Get It Now

...the drug thing. Sometimes you just want it to stop. Just want to stop being annoyed, or stressed, don't want to feel any pain, don't want to be mad. Don't want to feel the world pressing against you, don't want to feel the weight of people's issues pushing into your mind. Don't want to hear the voices chattering.... just for a little while.

Sometimes you crave being comfortably numb... crave the warm tingly feeling that starts in your toes and fingers, pain melting away on a soft warm cloud, silence rolling in on a fog, edges dulled... noises muted...

My back started hurting yesterday. I went to reach for something last night and it grabbed so bad it took my breath away. On top of all the other stuff going on, hurting like that just made me want to cry. I found myself craving drugs... and I've never had anything stronger than codeine or pot.

UN has some South African OTC stuff that has a low dose of codeine in it... which i just took. I can feel it dissolving the pain in my back, the stress in my head... and so, the drug thing? I totally get it....
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