is how I would describe myself and Nene.
I think the basic problem is that I know dudes can hang out with a chick FOR YEARS, fulfilling sexual and intellectual needs, never really loving her. Then one day, BAM, some chick comes along and knocks his socks off, and off he'll go. Now, some women are capable of the same behaviour (and I've a friend in particular that I suspect is doing this... and you know who you are, dear) but generally, if we spend any great amount of time or energy--sexual or otherwise--with a man, its because we love him.
So basically I don't trust Nene, as enamoured of him as I am (and I'm very enamoured... I freely admit it). But I know that's my own hang up.
(Oh hey... maybe I should have entitled this "Why I Think Men My Age Are Full Of Shit" because I'm about to say what I'd say to my MySpace friend, who asked the question why I thought men my age were full of shit.)
Generally, I think most people suck. Generally, I think most people are full of shit, both men and women. Including me, I'll be honest. I do tend to like women better because as women age we begin to look at life like the bowl of spaghetti that it really is, and we begin to follow the strands and try to sort things out. Most of us. But men... the older they get, the more compartmentalized they get. If they are not "growing up" and "growing into life" with a woman, experiencing the yin-yang of her as she sorts through the strands of life, they get more rigid in their thinking, more boxed in (and they do that anyway, even WITH a woman/life companion). So while they may CLAIM they're looking for a "good woman" to be with, and they may claim they want to be in a relationship, they're not really. Because their thinking gets more boxed in. The idea of the woman they think they need to have a lasting relationship with gets to be more and more unreasonable, more fictional, more unattainable... she has to "be" whatever it is they've decided she has to be... and they won't accept any substitutes. I had an inkling of this thought when I read a post by All-Mi-T. It started out being a very moving and touching essay on the fact that he had a penchant for commitment. And I was touched. But in a few days, when people started commenting that since he'd put it out there in the cosmic soup, that he would find what he was looking for, he kind of backpeddled to say well, he wasn't really looking for it just yet. Not in reality... just in theory.
This kind of pissed me off the more I thought about it, because you know, here I am, waiting on line for "my turn" at the counter, to put in my order for the man and the relationship I want. And he's ahead of me on line. And I've been waiting a long, long time. And he gets to the counter, picks through everything, all the available relationships and then says "Nah. I'm not really buying today. I'm just looking to see what's there." Well, beeatch, get off the damn line! You've wasted my time! Took the Universes/shopkeeper's attention away from a customer who really wants to buy! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE STORE! (One love, All-Mi-T, and no disrespect.)
Single chicks can dillydally on the "line" like this, too... but the difference between men and women is that women are acutely aware of time passing. Every 28 days, we are 28 days closer to the day when we can no longer bear children. We know our bodies will change, our skin will feel differently, our boobs will sag. We feel our bodies change. We get hot flashes. We wonder about fertility. Men don't have that same worry... unless something specific happens like prostate or testicular cancer, men can feasibly have babies until the day they die. So time doesn't tick away with the same urgency that it does for us. They can continue to carry their lofty fantasy of the perfect woman to have the perfect relationship with, the one they'll marry and/or have children with, because they know that time won't ever run out for them.
And in the meantime, hell this chick I'm with now, she cooks good... I'll hang with her. She's easy to talk to... I'll hang with her. The sex is good... I'll hang with her. Till the Real Thing Comes Along.
So they tell you they want to settle down but Oh! not with you. I don't think you're The One.
Fuckers. And that's why I think men my age who are single, are full of shit.
Younger men aren't QUITE that rigid in their thinking yet, aren't quite that boxed in... but the little waffle dents and ridges are definitely forming and crisping over.
I realized this the other day, with Nene. Hanging out with him was fun... at one point I looked over at him and I realized he was enjoying himself, and that he realized it, too. And I think I handled the whole babymama thing quite well... better than he did, and I think that upped my "cred" with him. Cuz at one point he got REALLY flustered and though he covered it well, I laughed to myself cuz I knew he was stressed. So, you'd think that that would have escalated things but NOPE! Came to a complete standstill.
To be fair, part of the reason it did come to a standstill, though, was because my FRIGGIN DivaBitch Niece got dumped in my house that night, with TinyOne. And the next night, too. But the next night, she got her mama to take TinyOne to babydaddy's house, so she could get some work done (she's applying to FIT, and needs to put together a portfolio). But, being 21, she goes out on a date with The Slug. "I'll be back" she said. "WHEN?" I said. "I don't know, but I'll call you when I'm close."
And then the bitch didn't call until 4AM! And didn't get home till about 4:30A (having taken a cab since the buses had long ago stopped running). With a fresh tongue-piercing. I was TIGHT! I coulda had some company, dammit. Love her, but my life is stop-and-go as it is... and she's cramping what little action I got going, and she's got to go. You hear that Professor? Get that bitch someplace to live cuz she's got to go. As much as I love her and the TinyOne (who is really, really cute and quite cuddly).
But anyway. I was saying that Nene isn't QUITE that boxed-in in his thinking yet. And he does like older women, cuz the part I may have neglected to tell you all about is that babymama is closer to my age than she is to his age. She snatched him right out of High School, poor thing, and she was already in her 30's, or somewhere close to it. But I still have a suspicion that he's only hanging out till the Real Thing comes along...