Friday, February 22, 2008

But Some Things I Do Like...

...like that feeling of being heard. You can't beat that. I'd written Nene a note saying he hurt my feelings. He asked me why... I told him when he had the time I'd explain it--that I wasn't being "shady" or manipulative, wasn't holding a grudge, it's just I thought it was better said than written. Plus, I don't think he reads that well. (Our schools are failing not just "black" kids. But I digress.)

So he called, and I told him, as simply and as to the point as I could, why. He knew I called him on it; he knew I was right.

And that was it. That's all it took. He told me he was sorry that he didn't feel exactly as I do (though he was careful to say that yes, there are feelings) and that he thought I deserved better than that. He asked if I knew what he was saying... I wasn't. What exactly ARE you saying? Waiting for that "I don't think we should see each other"... but it didn't come. I told him, honestly, I don't NEED for you to feel what I feel though that would certainly be nice, but what I NEED is honesty. As long as I don't feel blindsided, I'm good. I know there's all this time between us. I know that my time is limited... I look good now but that's not gonna last forever, but you, you'll always be sexy. (I'm getting good at this flattery thing.) I told him, yes, I hope I can change your mind... but if not... he interrupted with "then it's my loss, right?" "No," I said. "Then, I just don't change your mind. I know what I'm worth... I don't need that from you." He said something jokingly about how he's supposed to be the conceited one.

I told him I detected hesitation about staying over... was he comfortable? He said snottily "I fell asleep, didn't I?" Men make me laugh. I think us ladies have a tendency to put far more stock in things than we need to sometimes... even me, who understands men a little bit better thanks to my boy. Their needs are simple, and few. It's us that need a lot of stuff.

Yeah, I'm a fool for the boy. It is, Whatever-It-Is. Though I could do without the StopNGo.

2 comments:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

yep, we R simple, and yawl do need a lot of stuff

The Bear Maiden said...

Yeah, I know. But you really should give it to us because it makes us feel good.

In reality, it's not that much. We have very few needs, really. It's just that what we need is profoundly different than what you need. I think that as I realize what it is "he" needs, I don't mind giving it. And I give it freely. Food? I cook my ass off. Sex? You got it, babe. A warm bed? A cold room? I'll adjust the thermostat, turn on the fan, pile on the blankets or take them away. And I don't mind that I don't get the same back, because the same as what he needs isn't what I need, know what I mean? But I do need what I need... and for me, more than anything, its honesty, trust, respect. Love is the cherry on top, but I've seen people make long relationships without "love" per say, because there is trust and respect.

If you're honest, I can trust you. If I can trust you, I'll do anything for you. If you respect me... my mind, my contributions, my feelings, you give me the strength to hold you down.

And if you love me, truly love, I'm yours for all eternity.