Saturday, May 29, 2010

The House is Quiet...

...for the first time in a while I'm by myself. And there's a bunch of stuff I SHOULD be doing, but I've done absolutely nothing. But then again, it IS the Sabbath, and when I was a kid I did nothing on this day anyhow. I guess the body gets used to things like that, even though we think we've given them up. My body, my psyche, is used to being quiet on Saturday, and even though I've gotten out of the habit mentally, my body remembers.

Cuz I'm tired and don't feel like doing much.

It was a draining week, mentally. A lot of talking. A lot of thinking. Maybe because it was full moon this week... but folks' issues were really draining to me. Every conversation was weighted with their own backstories. And sometimes that stuff rolls off me but somehow this week I felt like I was under a wet blanket.

Someone posted a quote on FB the other day, about how when something disturbs you about someone else, it's because it reminds you of something that disturbs you about yourself. Because you wouldn't know it to recognize it otherwise. I've been mulling over that the past few days but I'm too tired and drained to make any sense of it. But I do wonder... cuz the same could be said for things that attract you to someone.

And I'm only wondering about all this because twice this week I've had people tell me of a strong dislike for a person, based on assumptions they've made about someone. But the thing is... the assumptions were wrong. AND the people talking actually have things in common with each other. It's not that I think they'd like each other, nor do I care that they do or not. It was more that the arrogance of the assumption annoyed me, an unwillingness to look beyond the assumption to "read" the person underneath. And all folks in the equation equally flawed, hiding their white-hot core with arms folded, sharp words or attitude, weight or make up or fancy clothes.

We're all the same underneath. Some of us think we're sophisticated by admitting to it; we say it but not many of us REALLY live our lives assuming that we are all the same underneath. Humans are relentlessly unforgiving of others... mainly because we are unforgiving of ourselves.

It's enough to make me want to hide on a beach in the sun, just me and the kid... People are just too draining...

Oh wait, I already do... it's why I like living out here... far from everyone. Only the ones who love me and love themselves enough to love me make the trek out here, to sit in my quiet.

But.

I should be cleaning my apartment, not musing. I'm by myself. I should be useful... churchbells are ringing and dusk is approaching... but Lord knows I just feel like going to sleep...

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