Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Never say never...

...never say "I'll never do that" or "that will never happen to me..." cuz experience has taught me--continually teaches me that the one thing you say you'll never do is the thing that ends up happening. And then you are faced with a decision about how to handle it.

This of course brings up all sorts of moral debates in oneself, if you are any kind of humane person... take the high road? Go for self? Stay the course?

So my "never" was that I was not going to be evicted. And consequently, here I am in a mostly empty apartment. The cable had been cut off and I have a few hours of internet left... my phone is cut off one way. I called Con Ed this morning and asked them to keep the lights on until Monday, since Tuesday the marshalls could be at my door.

Though I plan on being vacated from here by then... half of my stuff is already in storage, and after this post I will shut down my computer and pack up my desk.

For the while, my Sun and I will be in an attic room in Upstairs Neighbor's apartment. It's a pleasant room, and my kid and I get along pretty well and we'll be OK.

The hardest parts for me are not being in my own space (I've been in my own space since I was 18 years old... and have lived mostly alone but with one person since then) and... not sleeping next to BigMan. He's pretty much been here since last year when I had my foot surgery and I've gotten used to him here.

The good parts that have come from this experience are... reminding myself of how resilient I actually am, my Sun is an awesome kid, and BigMan is my ride-or-die.

There's so much to tell, so much to write about, but the time since my last little post has been consumed with either saving my apartment and then packing once I realized it couldn't be saved.

I've gotten help and encouragement from unexpected but amazing places, and NO fucking help whatsoever from the Human Resource Administration. None. So by the way, all you white conservative fuckers who think "blacks" and other minorities are happily living off your tax dollar, have I got some shit to say to you...

but that will have to come later when the dust has settled.