Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hi..... *smallvoice

So yeah, it's been a minute. And before that post, just about a year ago, writing was sporadic.

Not out of a lack of things to say. Not because the voices are quiet. Not because I've stopped noting things around me. Mostly because life has sped up. And probably because I'm mostly happy.

Fat and happy. I now weigh more than I ever did pregnant. At first this caused me great grief. I didn't like the way I looked, but mostly didn't like the way I felt. But then I realized clothes makes the (wo)man and I didn't have the money to dress for my new size.

I've been working a few days a week at a large charity organization. I like the money. It's not a lot of money but it's steady and it's more than I had... and with the occasional "other" gig or the sale of a photograph, I can at least go shopping again.

So I don't mind so much the curves. Not too fond of the belly, and I still don't like how I feel, so I joined a gym. I like being physical. I was really devastated when my karate family moved so far north and I haven't done anything physical since then. The gym can be boring, but I like the movement. And the little bit of work I've put in has already shed bloat and water weight, and diminished the belly a bit. And the new clothes are awesome. I look forward to losing some pounds because it's an excuse to buy more clothes.

A few random realizations have come out of being bigger, and working a few days a week. Firstly, working for someone else a few days a week has mostly contributed to my being bigger cuz there's not a lot of movement, and I eat to stay awake. Secondly, people sure do waste a lot of time on a job. I so much prefer working from home. I work at a weird, attention-defecit-addled pace, but I gets things done. At work, not so much. By the time I get my flow on, it's 5PM. So I end up staying till 7 so I can get things done.  Getting my own work done at home, or writing hasn't happened much cuz once I am home, it's the dinner hour, then the cleanup-hour, then the fight-with-the-child-to-come-out-of-the-bathroom hour, then I'm too braindead to do much of anything except waste time on Facebook.

Hey speaking of that child: He looks like this, rather than the cute fuzzy-haired dumpling face of a few years ago. He has a girlfriend, he wears a promise ring, he plays football. We've entered the rather interesting world of college recruiting for football, yes already. It's a process. There's a lot of money in it.

BigMan is still here; still tolerant of me. Still loves me. And my kid. He's truly my best friend. And I love him. Simply, and wholly.

So there's stuff to write about. There's racism and family and "isms" and fighting genderisms, God, people, nature, musings, thoughts... I hope I have the time. Once again I get the feeling that there is to be a major change in my life, and I'm trying to prepare myself for it... but I also realize that all the preparing isn't going to make it any easier. There is nothing to do but live.

I need to make the time to write something every day...